To Hell With Good Intentions

Sports related: May I just say...

2011-02-13T20:14:00.001+11:00

Happy new year!

2011-02-05T15:03:00.003+11:00

Captain Obvious says it is fucking hot. In Sydney today, we've just hit 41 degrees which is impossible to escape. I'm currently camped out in my flat eating ice blocks and using a spray water pistol thing to keep myself cool - very elegant. But I feel really sorry for these guys who were celebrating Chinese new year today. I have no idea how they made it up and down Marrickville Road in this heat. Happy new year and see you in the emergency ward buddy...

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And the winner is...

2011-01-30T07:56:00.003+11:00

This website re-imagines the ten best film Oscar nominations in a more literal way.

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And Out Come The Wolves...

2011-01-20T17:02:00.004+11:00

A couple of years ago I wrote a sitcom with a friend of mine. It never got produced or anything but if anyone's looking for a six half hour sitcom, I might be able to hook you up. Anyhow, in one of the drafts one of the characters has this realisation after watching a National Geographic special that there are wolves in Italy. There's some vague plot line about he cheated death because he went on a four week hiking trip through Italy but wasn't aware of any wolves. To be honest, it wasn't very funny and was subsequently left out of later drafts of the script.

This plot point came from reading an article about wolves in Europe that I'd read. I can't say I think of wolves often but I think they're pretty awesome looking, probably pretty scary in real life and feel they're scariness has been undermined by their constant use in crappy vampire/werewolf movies. When I was a kid I was afraid of dogs, an affliction I have long since over come but when I see wolves I get a distant glimmer of that fear. Let's face it, wolves are like domestic dogs gone postal - they're like the una-bomber of the canine world - all wilderness and anti-processed dog food.

The only reason I mention this is because I read that there is a 400 strong wolf pack roaming the wilds of Northern Russia. 400?! Geez, it's hard to fathom what it'd be like to come across that but I don't think say "nice doggy doggy" would really cut it in that situation. Much like crows, I like wolves because they look kind of vaguely evil but I think even I'd draw the line at 400 of them. At least they're not as crazy as Denis Hopper... or are they?

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Now here's Jim with sports...

2011-01-07T18:40:00.001+11:00

Oh my lord - 3-1. That is all I'll say on the matter, my fine fellow Australians...

...losers.
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Movie reviews...

2011-01-02T17:00:00.001+11:00

I saw three films this weekend and here are the reviews:

Black Swan: What the fuck? I thought it was a movie about ballet dancing, not a pseudo horror film... The film is still good though.

Somewhere: What the fuck? Really, a week with your daughter makes you walk away from a life of fame into the distance - I don't buy it. The film is still good though.

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants: What the fuck? How did that one pair of pants fit all those girls and in what universe is Rory from the Gilmore Girls Greek? The film still exists though.

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Happy new what! Now here's Jim with sports...

2011-01-01T16:17:00.005+11:00

Oh hey, happy new year. You know what's strange? If I take an active interest in a sporting team I support, they actively crumble and lose at everything. However, if I miss a sportscast or don't check a team's progress for a while, they seem to do amazingly well.

Now, I know this sounds amazingly egocentric and it is but I have a secret suspicion that my being a fan of a team can be their doom. There are multiple examples I can give you.

NRL: I support the Rabbitohs and the Cowboys and I watched them every week they were on telly and kept up with their scores. Result: Cowboys come second last (the Storm were last and they were disqualified so technically the Cowboys were last). The Rabbitohs came 9th, just outside the final 8 in contention for the finals.

Stoke City FC: When I remember to check the scores they seem to be doing ok but when I finally get to watch a game live, they lose terribly. I managed to watch their last game and they lost 2-0 (both goals scored in the first ten minutes) to Fulham - FULHAM! They are third last in the Premier League.

English Cricket team: You know how they bumbled the Australians out for 98 at the MCG as well as other amazing feats of cricket prowess? That all happened when I wasn't watching. The only cricket I really got to see was Peter Siddle's hat trick and then the Australian team winning in Perth. I did get to see Mitchell Johnson bowl really badly but apparently that's his new style. The English team only seem to win when I'm not watching.

So, this is how I'm going to get rich. I'm going to bet on teams I follow and then not watch a single game. My tip - the Rabbitohs to win next year's NRL. (You might say, hey they've got Greg Inglis now but having good players in the past hasn't stopped them from losing and losing badly).

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Sorry, I temporarily got lost in my thoughts about how my interest in something can influence the success and failure of multi-million dollar sporting organisations. Anyhow, just to let you know, I'm going to try and write about music a bit more this year as part of my attempt to make writing part of my daily routine. As such, I have created a new blog solely for this purpose. No doubt this will fail like most music blogs but oh well, at least I can be an opinionated pig about it and not feel guilty about it (I'll still be writing here though - double the blog). Check out the shenanigans here.

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Season's greetings

2010-12-24T18:02:00.004+11:00

About a week ago, I read (and subsequently became obsessed with) this article which basically explores the similarity of shark behaviour to that of a serial killer. Apparently, great whites stalk their prey rather than it being a random attack. For example, sharks have swam past other swimmers to take out a person closer to shore or have knocked other swimmers or surfers out of the way to get to a person when it would have been easier to eat someone closer. More scary, they get all Ted Bundy about it and hunt the same spot and observe their prey from a distance before attacking.

What does this mean? Well, it means that Jaws 4: The Revenge is probably the most misunderstood and awesome movie of all time. In a nutshell, the plotline of Jaws 4 is that the family of Brody (Roy Scheider in the original movie) is being picked off one by one by a vengeful shark. They even go from Amity to the Bahamas and the shark follows the family and keeps killing them! Good times.

Currently, Jaws 4 ranks a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes and of the reviews listed, "No review available" was probably the most favourable thing written about it. However, in light of the new research, it's obvious that what I thought was one of the stupidest movies of all time is in fact a brilliant analysis of shark behaviour and adds a cautionary tale to anyone who has ever eaten fish and chips. Sharks know - alright, they just know and if you stray into their kill zone, you're history. Good job I don't swim in the ocean. Enjoy your summer at the beach!

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And the name of my first novel is...

2010-12-13T22:03:00.002+11:00

You heard it here first...

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Some songs of the year...

2010-12-11T09:57:00.002+11:00

Some songs that weren't on the albums I listed below (for the record - my favourits song was Superchunk's My Gap Feels Weird).

Cee Lo-Green - Fuck You
So many levels of awesome it's hard to comprehend I could put this on at my staff Christmas party and no one would notice. Did I do this? Possibly.

Kate Nash - Do-Wah-Do
I do love my girly pop and this song just makes me smile.

Isobel Campbell & Mark Lanegan - You Won't Let Me Down Again
I never really got on board with this collaboration because really, I just want lot's of Mark Lanegan - ta dah!

Kanye West - Power
I'm a fan of Kanye but I've only listened to his album a couple of times so while there's some awesome stuff on there, I'm yet to make up my mind on how good it is. However, I think this song (as well as Runaway) is brilliant.

How to Destroy Angels - A Drowning
This song is great ipod fodder for when you're out and about. Low key but engaging putting you in that aloof mood to deal with the general public. The other thing I love about this band is that it's essentially Nine Inch Nails with a female singer which seems to drive NIN fans barmy and somehow, I find that very enjoyable.

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Best of the year - the final bit...

2010-12-08T19:09:00.003+11:00

Jonsi - Go
Jonsi is responsible for one song that always makes me cry - this one. However, my interest in Sigur Ros has waned of late but this album is uniformly excellent. There are still a few weepy numbers but there is a vibrancy and buoyancy to this album which is infectious and weird. Comparing Jonsi to Bjork is redundant (I don't want to put them in some Icelandic ghetto) but there is something they both share - total awesomeness.

Grinderman - Grinderman 2
A lot of people talk about Grinderman as an outlet for Nick Cave's angry id which has been repressed by the Bad Seeds increasing sophistication and his penchant for stately ballads. I think that's kind of bullshit because a) Grinderman is made up of Bad Seeds and b) the Bad Seeds can still be fierce both live and on record. This album sounds like the boys messing around in the back shed and as Cave is learning guitar as he goes - Grinderman sounds like the greatest non-adolescent garage band in history. Furious and dirty, this is the sound of Cave re-learning to write in a new form which is fun and detached from his stately history. It's not an angry id, just the sounds of a naughty boy thrashing his guitar in his bedroom.

Broken Bells - Broken Bells
Broken Bells is that guy from the Shins and the dude who did the Jay-Z/Beatles mash up. It is excellent.

Antony and the Johnsons - Swanlights
I generally have two reactions to foreign films: I'm totally entranced or I look at the screen like a monkey trying comprehend physics. For a long time, I was a perplexed monkey when it came to Antony but good timing and the right circumstances made me finally understand the equation. As such, I've been working my way through all his albums over the last year and Swanlights has come as a welcome edition to my listening spree. At times, it's almost as if the songs are secondary to the voice but there is a deep current of beauty and surprisingly, anger running through this album. The highlight for me is the duet with Bjork where two of the most idiosyncratic singers on record trade lines like they're channeling operas from Mars.

Other notable mentions:

You Am I - You Am I: their best album in years.

The Corin Tucker Band - 1000 Years: Not quite Sleater-Kinney but it's still a solid album.

Cee Lo Green - The Lady Killer: Fuck You is a great song and more than makes up for that terrible Band of Horses cover.

Bonobo - Black Sands: Some early '00's electric throwback but really nice.

Isobel Campbell & Mark Lanegan - Hawk: Yeah, that's some good shit there.

Bullshit album of the year.
Sorry Sufjan, but you've gone from orchestral pop magic to obscurist electronic nonsense. May the Age of Adz be brief.

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The best of the year part 2

2010-12-07T17:36:00.005+11:00

Sun Kil Moon - Admiral Fell Promises
My heart broke a little this year when I read Mark Kozelek's long term muse, Katy (from Katy Song) had passed away. Having being a big Red House Painters fan, this seemed particularly sad as it had coincided with my falling in love with his music again. There was no denying Carry Me Ohio was an instant classic, it's taken me a long time to really catch onto Sun Kil Moon. Admiral Fell Promises is slightly different as it is largely Kozelek playing Spanish guitar by himself, singing these immaculate lullabies. At times, the guitar lines get a little Spanish-cheesy but everything is anchored by that voice - unmistakable and always haunting - which elevates even the simplest song to a place of beauty.

Spoon - Transference
Spoon is another band that never made much sense to me until I heard Got Nuffin. Then it all clicked into place and the skeletal beats, meandering bass lines and hipster cool suddenly made sense. Go, you hipsters, go!

Sleigh Bells - Treats
Uh-oh, another hipster band. Heavy beats, scorching guitar lines, girly vocals - what's not to love? A bit repetitive but sounds good really, really loud.

The New Pornographers - Together
Last year was officially the year of Neko Case for me so it shouldn't come as a surprise that I'd start exploring the New Pornographers. While I'm yet to be fully converted, I'm totally infatuated with this album because it's Neko doing indie pop with this weird bombastic cello sound which reminds me of ELO (and I don't see this as a bad thing). I keep getting busted whistling along to Crash Years when it's on my ipod - I can't control myself once the whistling begins.

Final four to come later...

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The best of the year part 1

2010-11-29T19:17:00.010+11:00

Superchunk - Majesty Shredding
I'm sure people will argue there are better albums this year (I know Kanye West would) but for me, if music is for pure visceral excitement and fun, this is my album of the year. I'm two years shy of my twenty year anniversary with Superchunk - I first heard them at a Livid festival in 1992 and went straight out and bought their albums. Our relationship has had its up's and down's but my Superchunk love is pure. Being their first album in nine years, it delivered a batch of quality tunes far beyond my wildest expectations - it is as the title suggests a record that royally shreds. This album just makes me want to pogo and play air guitar but it also plugs into that feeling of being past any semblance of youth but still wanting to dance. Proving (like Fugazi) that some of your greatest music can be written some twenty years into your career, this album is joyous, raucous and fun and far surpasses any other album I've liked this year.

Arcade Fire - The Suburbs
For a long time, High Violet was the easy winner for album of the year but the Arcade Fire made me re-think this in the past month. Both albums are slow growers that explore different areas of emotion - the National mine the abstract territory of loss and love but the Suburbs explores notions of place, space and time in a way that is simultaneously nostalgic and current. It doesn't matter if in the distant past you were a blonde haired scamp roaming the backstreets with a posse of neighbourhood kids (like myself) or a disaffected indie kid scuffing your checked vans in the 00's - this album explores the notion of belonging, home and escape. I find this album strangely haunting and affecting in ways I don't think I really understand yet but this section from the title track does my head in:

So can you understand
Why I want a daughter while I'm still young
I wanna hold her hand
And show her some beauty
Before this damage is done

The images of buildings from the 70's collapsing hit hard too - not sure why. The other thing I like is that the Suburbs works as a full album that needs to be played in its entirety rather than a bunch of songs with a few I skip. I've always liked the Arcade Fire before but never really loved them. This album makes me love them.

The National - High Violet
I've written pretty extensively why I like this album. I stopped listening to it for a few months but a recent listen made it seem even more powerful - absence makes the heart grow finder I guess. High Violet plugs into a sentiment that is instantly beguiling and affecting. It makes me want to drink wine and talk until 2am about past regrets, the present state of the nation and a future I can barely imagine. It's not for everyone but it's a dark record and a record for adults - and it's waiting for you if you're special enough to listen to it.

Deftones - Diamond Eyes
As I discussed in my last post, I am a bit of a metalhead at heart and I'm unapologetic for this. The Deftones are usually dismissed as a band that came out around the time of Limp Bizkit and are forever tarnished with the Rap-Metal tag. However, any close investigation reveals these allegations to be false. Their sound is equal parts Meshuggah and the Cure and lead singer Chino Moreno has long cited his love of PJ Harvey and Bjork which actually plays out in some of their music. They have at least one classic album to their name (White Pony) and while Diamond Eyes isn't in that league - it is a powerful and brutal record. Rising from a tragedy (their bass player was seriously injured in a car crash), this album has a singular focus that is both aggressive and cathartic. If anything, this band are the heirs to Faith No More - both bands that stretch the limits of the genre while still making you raise your devil horns skyward. If you like heavy music at all and can't appreciate this album, well, go back to listening to Nickelback because this is metal for serious music fans only.

More to come...

I was a teenage metalhead...

2010-10-20T11:31:00.006+11:00

I make no secret of the fact I was a teenage metal head. I listened to Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin and nameless other bands until Nirvana swept that all away. To be honest, my allegiance to metal was actually tested earlier when I started to fall in love with Jane's Addiction, Husker Du and Faith No More - all heavy but in other ways to be sure. Even so, I have still listened to Metallica on and off since I was about fourteen. I figure if you're going to listen to a metal band it might as well be a band called Metallica (seriously, if you step away from the legacy of one of the biggest bands in the world and look objectively at the name, it's pretty stupid). So, this last Monday I got to see Metallica live for the first time...

I have to admit I was a bit trepidatious about it at first. I mean there is a part of me that clings to the Metallica of my teens (1988 on the Hetfield mullet watch above) - the lion maned front man who chugs jagermeister on stage with EET FUK inscribed on his guitar while leading a cyclonic, humourless riff monster through eight minute songs about pain and suffering - like, awesome! My eternal teenager loves those guys - I mean, come on, their nick name was Alcoholica! I remember when they toured with Justice For All in the 80's and there was a riot which resulted in running battles between fans and police. That's how serious it was back then. Metal or death! Metal up your ass! METAL METAL METAL! My concern was that the post-therapy Metallica would be more Master of Ceremonies (Hello Cleveland!) than Master of Puppets (I'm your source of self-destruction!).

I need not have worried. Even though James Hetfield kept yelling out "Hello Brisssssbane YEAH!", the great thing everyone forgets about metal is that it is both fun and hilarious (unless you are a boy aged 14-18 and then it's very, very serious indeed). So I sang along to most of the songs, threw some devil horns and had a great time. I bounced up and down to my favourites (BA-TER-RY!) and scoured my memory for songs long forgotten (I couldn't remember Motorbreath off Kill 'em all for the life of me). And just to make me feel better about missing the old days, they played a 10 minute version of the angular riff, tricky time signature dour fest which is the title track of And Justice For All... - let's face it, if I was fourteen, I would have loved but at 37, I was looking for the exits. That ten minutes made me miss the all-entertainment Metallica which soon came back. They even dropped big black Metallica balloons (Metalliballs as I like to think of them) during Seek and Destroy - this shit was off the hook.

My second source of trepidation was that I was going to see them in bogan heartland - Brisbane. The thought of a 15,000 black clad bogan army descending upon me was a little horrifying. Would I get eaten alive? Would they notice that I wasn't metal enough? I shouldn't have worried because the crowd were the best bit of the night. I don't think I have laughed so hard at a concert because bogans love metallica like indie kids love skinny jeans and irony. I don't want to come across as mean but it was their enjoyment of the show that made it just that much more fun for me and my brother who went. Firstly, there was a guy dancing to the left of us like Magda Szubanski in this video...

Seriously, you kind of see people doing that dance in old countdown episodes - some form of primitive bogan waltz.

It was hilarious but I noticed the guys to the left of me laughing at him. I thought this was a bit rich as they were rocking back and forth in unison playing air guitar (like Status Quo). It was a hair farming frenzy as the moves they had been perfecting in their bedrooms for the last 20 years were finally on show in a place that they would be accepted. Bad dance guy was just as moved by the music but at least he wasn't pretentious about it? Pretentious how? Well, metal dudes on the left all had obscure metal band shirts on (you don't need to know who Voivod is) and stood stoney faced with arms folded when they played anything off the Black album (you know, when Metallica sold out) - a sure sign that they were serious fans, not like the rest of us posers. Metal dudes also had one other signature move which was to thrust their fist in the air at a right angle at the end of an awesome line in each song (the move is similar to a body builder flexing his arm muscle while raising it in a metal salute). I'd like to think of it as "By the power of Thor" move. It was apparent that they had either caucused earlier or they all thought the same lines were amazing as they all fist thrusted in unison too.

The last guy I'd mention was in the stands and he reverted to some primal monkey-like state - bare chested holding on to a rail and jumping up and down and screaming. Did I mention that monkey had been infected by the rage virus from 28 days later? Madness, I tell you, madness. But there was many examples of this kind of behaviour and I stayed weeeeeeeeeell away from the moshpit.

BTW if you see me, I'm happy to re-enact any of these moves for your amusement.

Sadly, I have no photos as I left my camera at home but be rest assured that my hearing is still destroyed and yes, I'm listening to Metallica as I type this but the Black album because I'm a sell out...

\m/
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The Rules Part 1: The Bus

2010-10-14T15:17:00.004+11:00

(I recently wrote some rules about road trips for Blanket Magazine and in my spare time I've written some more rules for life that I'll post here occasionally).

Through necessity and convenience I catch buses most days. The reason is twofold, a) there is a bus stop at the end of my street and b) I find it harder for youth gangs to beat and rob me on a bus (they seem to dedicate their lives to train travel thankfully). However, even though bus travel is relatively common, some people seem to be baffled by the concept of communal transportation. So much so they make decisions that can only be described as stupid. As such, here’s the rules for the bus.

What? There’s a bus a-coming?
Hey lady, I take it from the fact that you are standing at a bus stop, flagging down and then entering a bus, you actually want to catch one. So why is it that you get on and then take out your tardis-like handbag and spend five minutes rummaging around for change? Are you surprised you have to pay for a ticket? Listen, there’s only two people who travel for free on the bus and that’s Kanye West and crazy people. I ain’t never seen Kanye on the 426 to Newtown but I’ve seen a lot of crazy people. Do me a favour and just have your fare ready before the bus gets there.

Baaaah
So there’s no seats on the bus so you stand - but where do you stand? Logic dictates that you move to the back of the bus to allow more people on and (spoiler alert) you actually have more chance of getting a seat if you’re standing near them. However, most people like to crowd around the middle exit because, obviously, that’s where it’s the most inconvenient for people trying to get off the bus. Seriously, this little flock of moronic sheep mutter and curse when you have to basically force your way by them because they’re blocking the exit. Hey dickhead, you’re a walking-talking OH&S liability, move out of the goddamn way!

Sitting isn’t hard
There are numerous places to sit on a bus but unbeknown to many, there are a bunch of different styles of sitting. Let me break them down for you.

1. The Normal Intelligent Human Position: tries to sit in a way that allows the people around them maximum comfort.

2. The Real Estate Agent position: They sit on a seat but they put their bag, box or whatever on the seat next to them and refuse to move it. ‘Hey mate, is your inanimate object having a great trip? Too bad that 80 year old woman has to stand up while your bag enjoys the ride.’ Short of taking a canoe on the bus, you should make room for anything with a pulse over your possessions. If you want personal space, buy a car so you can have your own four wheeled mobile bedroom for all I care. Another variant of this loser will take up the pram/wheelchair space oblivious to the struggling mother angling their pram around them.

3. I am a Dickhead position: So the bus has two seats next to each other near a window but you choose to sit in the aisle one to, say, avoid the sun or you’re getting off soon. You’re silently thinking ‘If they want a seat, they just have to ask.’ Well, fuck you, I ain’t no mind reader, I just see a rude prick who is taking up more space than they need. The only caveat is that you’re getting off in a couple of stops and if that’s the case you should offer to get up for people if you’re so bloody vigilant about your upcoming stop.

4. The Mighty Penis position: Why is it some men have to sit with there legs so far apart they take up half the seat next to them? Dude, if you’re that well endowed that you have to sit like that, I’d seriously consult a doctor. That ain’t normal, it sounds like Elephantitis of the penis. Just close your legs moron...

5. The Princess position: This is when you have two seats together and the person sits in the middle of the two, arse cheek firmly planted on both. It’s a clever ruse because it’s not clear which seat they’re sitting on, do you perch yourself on the edge or ask them to move? Most people tend to do neither and look resentfully at this idiot hogging two seats to themselves.

6. The Emperor position: I call this the Emperor because generally it is always assumed by men. They sit in the middle seat of the back row, leg’s spread wide making it impossible to get past them to the other seats. So they sit there, surveying the land like a conquering fascist dictator and take up five seats instead of one. They also like to open the air vents in some wanton act of machismo which I can only guess is because they can’t open the window and put their head out the window like a dog. See Fido sit, see Fido drool...

The solution to all this is to ask people to move and I do and often and if they are reluctant I push past them. There you go, rudeness in you promotes rudeness in me. If you just had even the vaguest sense of what was going on around you and some common courtesy, I wouldn’t have noticed any of this and I could be writing a novel or something...

IPods are awesome
IPods are awesome. I cannot think of a single piece of technology that has improved my life in every way like the iPod has (except for when I go prematurely deaf at age 40 - 3 years and counting). I’m no audiologist but if I have earphones on listening to Fugazi and you’re sitting on the other side of the bus with headphones on and I can still hear your music, I’d say that’s because you’ve got it on TOO LOUD. Worse still is that some mobile music devices have speakers so at times I have had to endure other people’s crappy music taste. Did I really want to hear the Cranberries at 7:30am in morning on my way to work? And I think that junkie who played I wish I was a Punk Rocker fifteen times in a row must regret that now... surely? It's more offensive to me that people have such terrible taste in music than the noise aspect but they go hand in hand I guess. Keep your shit music in the closet people and turn it down.

Thank your driver
Everyday and in every way I see bus drivers deal with a lot of crazy people in what seems like a pretty thankless job. I don’t know if they notice or care but a simple thank you might stop that driver snapping one day and driving a full bus load of commuters over a cliff one day. Just says 'thanks driver, you're awesome.'

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37

2010-10-11T09:35:00.005+11:00

So, I'm 37 and that's weird. It's weird because when I was 20 I couldn't even imagine being 35 so technically I have am now living in a period of my life which was previously beyond my imagination - holy shit! It's weird though because I'm still throwing devil horns and playing air guitar to Superchunk in my lounge room like when I was 20 so maybe nothing has changed. Well, that's not true - everything has changed.

I've just had a very reflective week where everything I did was reminding me of change and mortality. I re-visited my childhood home in New Zealand which I haven't been to in a good 22 years. I lived a reasonably idyllic childhood roaming the streets of a family orientated suburb near a university. There was lots of parkland to explore and university buildings to play war on with my friends. When my sister and I drove past our old home it looked exactly the same except the street had changed dramatically. The suburbs are now predominantly rented to students so the family homes of my youth are now populated with bare chested students lying on the front lawn drinking long necks. It's true, you can never go home unless you're willing to except some arsehole playing Nickelback or something at full bore at 3am. It made that Arcade Fire page all the more pertinent and sad.

I also read Haruki Murakami's What I talk about when I talk about running, which is ostensibly, an exploration of his running, writing, life and encroaching frailty. It made me feel it even more so. While I've been lucky with my health, twice this year I've hurt my back and it aches and aches sometimes regardless of the treatments I get. For some reason this has struck me to my very core because it affects almost everything I do and I've never felt that before. I suddenly feel very mortal and wonder if I've been wasting my time as each passing day takes me further and further away from the clueless 20 year old I was.

That being said, it's not all doom and gloom as there is sweetness is my life and much to be grateful for (two of my favourite things are in this picture). But it's almost as if the clock is ticking that little bit louder and faster. I'm not sure what it all means but I've got a couple of weeks holiday and I think I'm going to dedicate my time to working out what I should be doing next...

However, one thing about my birthday. My friend baked me personalised ginger biscuits which are awesome and yummy and almost all eaten.

Yay - gingerbread!
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Dark was the night

2010-09-30T17:16:00.006+10:00

Hi there, it's been a while but I think I needed a break from blogging and some time to be miserable and introspective (AND I wasn't blogging about it - why do I even have a blog?). I'm looking down the barrel of my 37th year on this mortal coil and the eternal "what am I going to do when I grow up?" question has been rattling around the brain. It seems hard to commit to a course of action and when I do it's like the First National Hurdle Association of the Universe is telling me, 'nah, that's not it.' I'm a work in messy progress...

Anyhow, the photo above was taken on a jaunt to Melbania. The main reason of the trip was to see the Tim Burton exhibition. Exhibit A: me and the batmobile...

My lord, the exhibition was fantastic but that guy's world view is bleak. Lot's of happy puppets hiding hideous monsters as well as creepy clowns - I'm sure a psychologist would have a field day in there. Melbourne also provided its requisite footy madness, great food/bars and record shopping. I also discovered some really cool functions on my camera that allowed me to take interesting photos with little to no skill involved. The cream of the crop is on my flickr site HERE.

Today is the first day of some holidays for me and I'm heading over to New Zealand for a week to see my sister. Should be fun, I haven't been there (my hometown) since 1988. They used to have a department store called DIC - I wonder if they've changed that... Anyhow, if I have any interesting adventures, I'll blog the shit out of it.

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Finally - my analysis of Inception is complete!

2010-09-04T17:11:00.000+10:00

Idiot

2010-08-18T16:53:00.003+10:00

Sheeeit I've been following my horoscope which said be careful of social networks and don't say too much so I've been avoiding my blog... well, maybe it's really because I've got nothing to say. So, in the absence of having nothing to say I've joined twitter. Read more of my idiocy there...

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Election 2

2010-07-26T16:53:00.003+10:00

Seriously, I only have a limited amount of time for sporting contests so after the World Cup, State of Origin and Masterchef, I have zero patience for this upcoming election. It's like watching two lice infested seagulls fight over a piece of mouldy bread - but they're seagulls that hate gay people, migrants(*) and human rights. The race to the bottom is thrilling in it's banality.

What I want to know is this: in the 9o's, the Government defunded higher education and propped it up with international student dollars. These students were lured here with the promise of permanent residency and now that is going to be taken off the table in a frenzy of "we-hate-filthy-migrants-who-probably-eat-babies-and-steal-white-people's-jobs" rhetoric. SO what happens to the students already in the system and secondly, if you destroy the international student market, will you restore funding to higher education?

Anyone?

(crickets)

Carry on then...

*(For the record, I'm a migrant to this country - like pretty much ANYONE who isn't Indigenous).

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Crash years

2010-07-25T14:21:00.002+10:00

This is my favourite song off the latest New Pornographers album. It sounds like Neko Case fronting ELO (+ whistling!). How could a thing of such beauty even possibly exist in this world?

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Election

2010-07-17T19:16:00.003+10:00

Oh god, not this again... Day 1 and I'm already bored. However, even at this early stage, I can 100% guarantee and commit to the promise that if Tony Abbott wins, I'm moving overseas within a year of the election. And as much as I think it could never happen (I mean Tony Abbott - PRIME MINISTER!!!), this person votes.

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Double rainbow! (updated all the way!)

2010-07-07T08:12:00.001+10:00

Yeah, we've all been there...

Now in autotune... I love these videos...

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Soundtrack of Your Life 3: The Curdling!

2010-07-04T19:21:00.007+10:00

It was about a year ago I undertook this little exercise where you get your itunes to score the soundtrack to your life. This year, I thought I'd do it again but also do a double feature and re-write the scenes to a horror film so it's not the same every year (YES, it will be an annual event).

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool - first songs only

Opening Credits: Fingers and Toes - Screamfeeder
Waking Up: No Drop to Drink - Astronomy Class
First Day of School: Burnin'/Too Long - Daft Punk
Falling in Love: Ball & Biscuit - White Stripes
Fight Song: The Train from Kansas City - Neko Case
Breaking Up: Gamera - Tortoise
Prom: Banned from the End of the World - Sleater Kinney
Life is Good: Trampoline - The Grates
Mental Breakdown: Pearl's Dream - Bat for Lashes
Driving: The Fall Of The World's Own Optimist - Aimee Mann
Flashback: I Was A Kaleidoscope - Death Cab For Cutie
Getting Back Together: Say Aha - Santogold
Wedding: Colours - Jodi Martin
Paying the Dues: The Life & Death Of Mr. Badmouth - PJ Harvey
The Night Before the War: Santa Maria - Bill Callahan
Moment of Triumph: Time to Pretend - MGMT
Death Scene: Thelonius - Common
Funeral Song: Excitable - Def Leppard
End Credits: Sexy Plexi - Jack Johnson

Oh man - it was going so well until the last two tracks. I was having a nostalgia fit about a month ago and downloaded Def Leppard's Hysteria - serves me right. And Jack Johnson - I thought I'd gotten rid of that pap. Oh well, everything else was pretty cool, except maybe the smooth RnB number for my Death Scene.

But as mentioned, I decided that I'd write my own movie, this time a horror film. Fortunately, most modern horror films are filled up with rap-metal so my one Limp Biscuit song has to come up. So here you go: the soundtrack of my horror movie (The Curdling!) as scored by my itunes:

Opening credits: Welcome Home - Radical Face
Darkness descends: I Found That Essence Rare - Gang of Four
Chased by a maniac and killed in an unexpected way: The Boxer - Simon and Garfunkel
Next day - meeting the protagonists: Temptation (Ft. Alex Turner) - Dizzie Rascal
"Hey, did you hear about that creepy murder?": Uncle Phranc - Team Dresch
Talk of Billy's party at the secluded lake house: Yesterdays - Guns N' Roses
Jeep ride with cheery teens: Hospital - The Lemonheads
Watched from the shadows: Wonderful Life - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Tina goes swimming (uh oh): Tire Me - Rage Against the Machine
"Oh my God! Is that Tina's bloody arm floating in the lake?": Coming Right Along - The Posies
Jeep's tyres are slashed, phone lines are cut, no mobile reception: I Ain't Mad Atcha (Feat. Danny Boy) - Tupac Shakur
Billy walks up the spooky deserted country lane to get help: 1,000,000 - Nine Inch Nails
Billy's decapitated head rolls down a hill: Stay Alive - The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart
BACK INTO THE HOUSE!: Catfish Blues - Skip James
All quiet, plotting an escape: You Never Know - Wilco
Mindy and Jim slip away to the bedroom: Coney Island - Death Cab for Cutie
Did you hear something?: Sextape - Deftones
Jim moves to second base, loses his head in the process: Hot on the Heels of Love - Throbbing Gristle
Teenagers about to have sex in horror movies always die horribly: Lamb On The Lam (In The City) - Band of Horses
Going down a dark corridor where no one can help you or hear you scream: Holy Diver - Dio (DIO!!! YEAH!)
Random token character, get's killed in front of everyone's eyes: Color Me Once - Violent Femmes
RUN! MOTHERFUCKER RUN!: Heidi's Theme - Decoder Ring
Hiding: Carousel - Iron & Wine
The masked man revealed, it was Billy's twin brother Jacob who was always jealous of him: Bring Me Down - Kanye West Feat. Brandy
Surprise attack, escaping Jacob: I Love Buddha - Monkey
Cornered but then unexpectantly Jacob gets killed by Mindy (we thought she was dead!): Wishing Well - Bob Mould
All huddle and console each other: Rid Of Me - PJ Harvey
Back at home, thank God that's over Mom: Mexicola - Queens of the Stone Age
Jacob's face at the window: Wish I may - Ani di Franco
Final credits: Drain you - Nirvana

Hmm that didn't really work although great final credits song. Need to work on that concept a little more...

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More Scott Pilgrim fun

2010-06-29T18:02:00.001+10:00

Get Scott Pilgrimised here...

Come on... England...

2010-06-20T16:58:00.005+10:00

This is for real from the Illawara Mercury...

I know it must be hard being a professional footballer. Having a natural gift that earns you millions to push a football around the field must be incredibly challenging. What I don't understand is if you take a couple of years on a World Cup campaign to finally reach the finals, after all that work and graft with the hopes of a nation riding on your shoulders, WHY would you decide to play like my nephew's under 5's team?

I'm talking England here. I'm used to disappointment being an England supporter but I'm especially grumpy as the time difference between Sydney and South Africa means the last two England means I needed to get up at 4:30am to watch the game live. And they were rubbish - no cohesion, no style... WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

Come on boys, all this lack of sleep is making me irritable and your performance isn't helping. If you can just remember that your are professional footballers, maybe just maybe, you'll remember how to win a game.

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I'm a driver, I'm a winner

2010-06-14T13:31:00.002+10:00

Jon's new driving license photo...

I'm a lover, not a driver but at the grand old age of 36 I've decided to learn to drive. I've tried twice before. Once when I was seventeen and then again about 11 years ago. The first time, my teacher (not naming names but it was my Dad) took me out on the highway on my first lesson - that was after attempting a 3 point turn. It freaked me out so I didn't get back in a car as a driver for quite a while. I had some intermittent lessons during the 90's and then got my learners again in about 1999. I bought a $1000 car (Nissan Bluebird) that I was learning in - until I crashed it into the back of a parked car while attempting to park. Just a light bump, far more damage to my car than the other one but just enough to put me off again.

So, look out pedestrians and fellow motorists, I'm back. Apparently things have changed as I got into a friend's car for my first lesson today. I know the other times I'd attempted to learn I was driving manuals but today the car seemed weird. First off, you don't have to pump the accelerator when you start the car and where the hell is the choke? (more to the point, what the hell was the choke?) I think I'm freaked out by the lack of things to do in the car than what I can remember from learning before. Surely, driving a car is more complicated than playing Wii Super Mario Cart? Anyhow, we'll see if I get my license this time...

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PS for socceroo's fans, you got beat by one of the contenders to win the world cup - deal with it. You should be happy it was 4-0 and not the 6-0 I've been predicting all week. Silver linings and all that...

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Masterchef drinking game...

2010-06-13T19:46:00.002+10:00

Sure fire road to alcoholism - drink a shot every time someone says the word 'beautiful.' I'm watching Masterchef right now and the word has been said 17 times in the last five minutes... Either they need to get a thesaurus or I'm going to need a new kidney...

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WHAT DID I JUST HEAR?

2010-06-11T22:39:00.003+10:00

I was just enjoying the World Cup ~~rock eisteddfod~~ Opening Ceremony and they just had R. Kelly perform the world cup anthem. R. Kelly? Really? Say it ain't so...

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What is the issue with the cosmos?

2010-06-04T08:48:00.003+10:00

As you may or may not know, I write for Blanket magazine and the latest issue is really, really great. Matter of fact, the weakest thing in the whole issue is my crappy story about my obssession with astrology. For serious - it is worth the download, some of the artworks this month are breath taking and it only costs $2 (and by the way, it's not all about astrology but space, time and stormtroopers as well).

What else? Superchunk are going to make me happy very soon. We just need an Australian tour now. I think the last time they were here was 1994 and I still remember that gig - one of the best I've seen which I think they would classify as one of their worst. They were beset by all these crazy problems (Mac's guitar strap broke, Laura broke a bass string) which led to all these hilarious solutions, punk rock style. I still remember Mac saying "We're not even on a major label so we don't have to be professional." I should really tell you about that gig sometime - it was amazing.

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geek out 2

2010-06-03T22:47:00.000+10:00

Edgar Wright + Scott Pilgrim = awesome.

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In defence of Russell part 2: Is Russell Crowe the weirdest working class hero ever?

2010-06-01T20:34:00.006+10:00

Part 2 of my ongoing obsession with people named Russell.

A few weeks ago, the new Robin Hood film starring Russell Crowe was released (I haven't seen it). It wasn't long before there was some story about how he blew up at some interviewer after suggesting Rusty had an Irish rather than English accent. I could care less and I find it depressing that whenever Crowe releases a film these days, there is an inevitable story of his bad behaviour (whether that's real or made up).

The reason I'm writing this is that I was thinking about Russell Crowe the other day and it occurred to me whenever shit to go down, he tends to be defending his work. Now I come from a working class background (I still hold those principles and attitudes but through my education and work it'd be insulting to real working class people to call myself that now) and I think it's always a pretentious thing to talk about class. However, one thing people of that class do is take their work and their identity from that work very seriously. And while Crowe isn't working class (he's a millionaire remember), when I hear him talk about his work, his attitude definitely is.

Now if you're not convinced by Crowe you just need to see Michael Mann's The Insider to show just how good an actor he is. But when I think about Russell Crowe's movies, I can't think of one movie where I could say 'he did it for the paycheck' because that guy never gives less than 100%. Even some of my most favourite actors (Pacino/de Niro, I'm looking at you guys) have done some absolute rubbish which they're obviously not into.

So what does this mean? Well, nothing really, but in my mind, Russell Crowe could just be the weirdest working class hero ever...

(That Russell Crowe is behind the resurgence of the Rabbitohs has nothing to do with my thinking here but that's pretty awesome in its own right).

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In defence of Russell part 1: Russell Hantz destroys Survivor for everyone

2010-05-19T16:36:00.006+10:00

Please note: this post will be of no interest unless you watch Survivor...

Whatever you feel about reality television, it sure is enduring. The current season of Survivor that concludes tomorrow in Australia is its twentieth season which is incredible. However, I am of the belief that this season will finally put an end to the series, not literally – I’m sure it will continue for a few more years with increasingly diminishing returns but Survivor has reached its logical conclusion by virtue of one player – Russell Hantz or Evil Russell as he has better known in Australia.

Survivor is an interesting game in that it plays on the dynamics on individual players and puts them under incredible moral strain – inevitably the good will do something that compromises their values in order to move closer to the million dollar prize. And let us not forget, this is what the game is about - a slow crawl towards money. This is a game that rewards immorality, manipulation and deceit. This is why Russell is, to me at least, the logical conclusion of Survivor – here is a player who deals solely in immorality, manipulation and deceit. He didn’t get there through circumstance or the game – he entered Survivor fully aware of that was the game was played. He controlled the game from the moment he stepped on the island in Samoa in season 19. He actively made life miserable for his team, played people against each and removed contestants at will. He showed a level of initiative that now (after his performance in two seasons) seems to reveal all other players as amateurs – why after the show was on TV for so long that no other player had shown the insight to actively look for immunity idols as well as form complicated alliances that were weaved so tightly that there was barely any chance that he would be voted out. Russell Hantz is the ultimate survivor player.

Now I’m sure there is some debate about this but I think Russell effortlessly made his way into the final three in Samoa through audacity, cunning and at times, luck, but I tend to think he was so skillful in playing people against each other that the other players didn’t really have a clue what was going on half the time. Seriously, people were genuinely shocked by how he played but to me everytime he was on television, the screen lit up and he gave us one of the most beguiling and complex performances of modern reality television. Further, the next season – the Survivor all star Heroes vs Villains provided definitive proof that Russell was no pretender to the crown. At this point Russell had just finished Samoa and was drafted onto the next show almost immediately. Even though you could see exhaustion and cracks beginning to show, he was playing against some of the most seasoned played in the game and still made it to the final three again. Boston Rob, arguably one of the best players in the series, was side swiped early by Russell much to his disgust – Boston Rob was certain Russell was going home that night.

Sure, Russell could at times be an ugly bully and spiteful at the expense of his game plan but he effortlessly won both series by my vote. The problem with the format is that the jury that decides the winner is made up of contestants that have already been ousted – mainly by Russell. In this forum, his style of play will never win. But if these players could see beyond their own emotional reaction to their relationship with him and look at the situation pragmatically it comes down to this – if the motto of the program is to outplay, outwit and outlast your competitors, I’m sure that all would agree that Russell ran rings around them. And if they don’t, then they obviously don’t understand the dynamics of Survivor and SHOULD have been voted out anyhow.

So why do I find all this interesting? To me, it seems that Survivor was building to this point - that somehow in the 18 seasons leading up to this, it would create the ultimate player and unless they significantly change the game, I can't see how Survivor will survive Russell. No future player could play the game this way as any contestant worth their salt would have studied Russell's every move and be revealed quickly. Further, even if they did transparently borrow from Russell's game plan, it is hard to imagine anyone being able to replicate the bravado, sheer cheek and cunning that he displayed. To me, any future Survivor players would be living in Russell's shadow and it's hard to imagine that anyone could play the game as well or be so entertaining doing it. By Survivor allowing the ultimate competitor to take part in the game, it's hard to imagine that it can continue much further because every strategy and possible future direction has been usurped by a single player. Survivor never jumped the shark, the shark came looking for it.

So hat's off to Russell, no doubt the ultimate survivor who I think will lead to the end of the show itself and if you think about it, is pretty amazing.

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High on violet

2010-05-18T17:37:00.000+10:00

I'm a big fan of Katie's blog and knowing she is a big fan of the National I was surprised to read that she was underwhelmed by their latest album, High Violet. I know that music is a subjective and personal thing but I'm a big fan of this record - I'm touting it as an early front runner for my album of the year. Originally, I was going to write something about how great I found it and encouraged by Katie to put my thoughts down about it, this is what I wrote:

Trying to wrap my head around how brilliant the new National album is a difficult process. I'll write a sentence and it seems ridiculous and not fully formed and I think this is because the album has such depth that it is evolving as I listen to it. For me, it is a glorious cocktail of everything that is right about the music I have loved for the last twenty years with nods to some great bands (probably totally imagined by me rather than through any fault of the National) but High Violet is something exceptionally original at the same time.

For me the sonic touchstones of this album are far ranging and I'm going to get a bit obtuse here so bear with me. One moment I'll hear the horns vs flawless crisp drums clash at the end of 'Bloodbuzz Ohio' that suggest a supercharged version of Mogwai's 'Burn Girl Prom-Queen'. Then, in the next instance I'll hear a slithering bass line reminiscent of Radiohead (eek, sorry readers - terrible comparison but apt) at their most interesting which is then overtaken by the greatest sneaky guitar line Robert Smith never wrote in 1986. There are so many reference points yet they sound like none of the bands I can hear in the music. At times the music contradicts itself in that it shouldn't work in unison but the sound is flawlessly idiosyncratic at every turn.

You'll notice all the bands I mentioned are from the UK and this is what is so confusing about the the National on this album. They are mining a certain territory of Americana alt-rock but sound so far from that sound (as opposed to hacks like Wilco or Calexico), that they almost sound like a British band covering that musical territory. And what a glorious sound it is. While most of the songs are mid-tempo, there is nothing plodding about them. There is an urgency and claustophobia to much of the music but also a dynamic range - drums drop out at odd times, harmoniums drone with intent, distortion sparks and bursts across these sonic landscapes unexpectedly. Strangely, the drums are probably one of the most interesting instruments on the album. They are a million miles from 4/4 time - they shuffle, break and pound like Jim White at his Dirty Three height but the songs here are so complete that it's easy to miss just how weird the drumming is sometimes.

As to the what Matt Berninger is singing about is anyone's guess but there is a definite sense of tension and edge to the songs. What haunts the songs is a sense of loss, addiction and fear. "It’s a terrible love and I’m walking with spiders" doesn't really make a lot of sense but when the song breaks open with the line "And I can’t fall asleep without a little help" hints at the troubles to come. That fear is repeated time and again throughout the lyrics. Berninger sings that sorrow "put me on the pills." The protection and loss of control in 'Afraid of Everyone' hints at deeper tensions:

With my kid on my shoulders I try
Not to hurt anybody I like
But I don’t have the drugs to sort (it out)

The classic reading would be to say this is a break up album when he sings "I don't want to get over you" on 'Sorrow' but a closer reading of the lyrics belies a deeper hurt and fear - not just personal but a wider, societal panic and loss gripping the song's protagonist(s). But s/he is not awash with misery, they play a part in the events unfolding on the album's songs, the coldly brutal line in 'Little Faith' leads the way, "I set a fire just to see what it kills." Berninger's haunting baritone rallies and seduces and the vocals are given a certain hypnotic quality as there is a lot of repetition of key phrases and sounds. The line "Your voice is swallowing my soul, soul, soul" would sound ridiculous sung by anyone else but there is no doubting the conviction or fierceness of it's delivery - his voice sounds fantastic.

Again, it's hard to say exactly what is at the root of the lyrics but the references to family, sacrifice and lost love create a complex patchwork of emotions. At times, it is defeatist and miserablist but the final words that run through the soft waltz 'Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks' seem to present the key to the album "All the very best of us string ourselves up for love." Anyone who is gripped by the complexities of day to day life should relate to this: the challenges of love, the grip of depression and loss, the fight of emotional and substance addiction with the self doubt and recriminations of the decisions we make. In the end, it is a very adult album dealing with issues that are hard and certainly downbeat but there is a lot to love in the webs that Berninger has weaved.

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Bienale destruction...

2010-05-16T21:37:00.003+10:00

Make your own animation

Make your own animation
This weekend I went to part of the Bienale on Cockatoo Island. My favourite work was a car exploding through space which was made by Cai Guo-Qiang. Essentially it's a number of cars suspended in a huge warehouse giving the impression of a slow motion explosion. I made a couple short gifs of a few of my photos to give you an idea. It's pretty amazing. Here's some other photos:

Free ferry there too - well worth checking out.

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A couple of people have asked why I haven't been blogging of late. The short answer is that I'm experimenting with my writing in a bid to move in a more creative direction - with my work, writing and all that comes with it. At this point, I'm probably going to write a few popular culture pieces and post them as I wok on my style. You'll have to stick with me during this difficult in-between blog stage. Sorry about that...

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The one time I don't have my camera

2010-04-29T18:26:00.003+10:00

Tonight, I stood at railway square watching the sun set while thousands of bats flew towards the sun WHILE listening to Batcat by Mogwai on my ipod. Perfectly creepy and creepily perfect in every way.

HAIL SATAN!

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First we take Manhatten...

2010-04-09T08:44:00.002+10:00

I tried to link this video but couldn't get it to work but check it out - amazing. I wish I was talented like that. CLICK HERE.

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Thought of the day

2010-04-01T17:00:00.000+11:00

Thought of the day

2010-03-31T17:51:00.000+11:00

I can't make any jokes about ending up in a Shanghai jail for ten years but one thing that has entranced me about the Stern Hu affair is his name. I mean, how awesome is the name Stern? If I have a kid, it's on the list of potential names...

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Thought of the day

2010-03-30T17:46:00.002+11:00

You know that guy Toady from neighbours? That guy ain't ever quitting. Where else could he work where he'd get paid so much money to be so bad? I don't think Kmart would employ that guy. (That being said, one of those guys from Heartbreak High used to tend drinks at my local pub... I think it was Rivers who is now on Neighbours - small world...).

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Nerd heaven

2010-03-26T19:33:00.003+11:00

I'm a simple man. I like books, comics, movies, music and games. So today was a great day. First, I got to listen to the new Deftones album which is great. If I said Deftones are this awesome metal band you'd probably stop reading so I won't say that but I've been a fan for a long time so I'm stoked.

Also, I'm a big fan of the Scott Pilgrim comic books. They're this very funny pop-culture-romance-battle-of-the-bands-video-game-referencing comic bookd (5 so far) and they've been made into a movie. Firstly, it's directed by Edgar Wright who made Shaun of the Dead. Second, I rarely get tired of Michael Cera. And thirdly, for Arrested Development nerds, Roxanne Richter (one of Scott's nemeses in the movie) is played by the actress who played Anne in AD. Perfect. Anyhow, just watch the clip and you'll get why I'm in nerd heaven today.

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Real estate update

2010-03-20T10:24:00.003+11:00

My house hunt continues. This morning I'd been trawling the internet for about an hour until I realised I'd been calmly repeating over and over "Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!" for a good twenty minutes. Once you do this for a few weeks, you recognise a number of the same places but what's interesting is how they fluctuate. For example, there's a place in Newtown which I've actually visited as a potential renter years ago - it's a pretty art deco house converted into flats. What made it so memorable was that a cupboard was converted into the bathroom (and when I say cupboard, I mean a little one, not a Narnia sized one). Anyhow, it was advertised last week for $289,000. Today it is updated to $340,000... FUCK YOU! Real estate in Sydney suuuuuuuuuucks!

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Riiiiiight!

2010-03-20T09:00:00.000+11:00

When nerds attack...

2010-03-15T21:09:00.003+11:00

It probably says too much about me that I'm able to sit down and watch a seventy minute critique of the Phantom Menace (Star Wars nerd alert!). But it's the funniest, most incisive critique of modern blockbusters I've seen (with a serial killer subplot) ever and worth watching if you're even vaguely interested in film. This is part 1 of 7. Highly recommended.

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Kids in the kitchen

2010-03-14T21:15:00.005+11:00

So living alone there is no one to impress with your culinary skills, no one to share your meal with and really no need to go over the top. Often, dinner is toast with something out of a can. What can I say? I'm lazy.

But lately I've been seized by a bout of nostalgia about my trip to Cambodia, specifically the food there. It was a world of exotic spices, meats and vegetables cooked into these flagrant, amazing dishes. Probably some of the most beautiful food I've ever eaten. On the top of my list was this very subtle yellow curry called Amok that was generally served in banana leaves with a steamed meat (generally fish but I had it with chicken).

Today, courtesy of the internet, I got all inspired, found a recipe and made my own version of the curry which is pictured below.

And you know what, it was ok. It was missing... something. It wasn't quite right but as a first pass it was pretty good I thought.

Unfortunately, I had to destroy my entire kitchen making it. It's just taken me an hour to clean up. Cooking with more than three ingredients is messy.

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Some people are clever...

2010-03-13T19:52:00.002+11:00

This won't work on here but worth watching if you're a nerd...

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Game playing

2010-03-12T21:09:00.000+11:00

Pitchfork is a place I visit everyday and I simultaneously love it and hate it. I like finding new music and news form them but then at the same time I find its blatant hipsterism offensive and predictable.

Lately, when there is an album review of a band I know - I try to guess the score before I click on it to see just how predictable they have become. Most of the time I'm pretty close. For example, I clicked on the new Broken Bells album yesterday, guessed 6.8 and it was 7.2. I was way off with the Gorillaz album, I said 5.4 and they gave it 8.5. But I did pretty well with the rest BRMC (JH 5.2/PF 4.0), Liars (JH7.5/PF 8.1), Pavement (JH9.0/PF10.0).

Of course, this is mostly without hearing a single note of music. I base it on my understanding of the band, how they are perceived generally and what Pitchfork's feeling is for them. For example, I don't really like Pavement but PF's slavish devotion to their reunion tipped me off their Greatest Hits would be a high, high number.

Ahh, the little games we play...

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Don't take my sunshine away

2010-03-07T20:49:00.003+11:00

A glass of wine and a heavy sigh - RIP Mark Linkous. Hearing of his death reminded me how much I love the Sparklehorse album It's a wonderful life. Sad stuff.

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Tax that

2010-03-05T11:10:00.006+11:00

"Hey Man, shove that tax up your ass!"

Every Thursday I play pub trivia with a few people and the conversation recently turned to irrational hatreds. For example, one of my team mates hates Pandas - to her they are lazy. dull and definitely not cute. She doesn't dislike them, she LOATHES them and this is from someone who is a genuine animal lover. My other team mate hates bananas - no real reason for it but she hates the way they look, taste, smell, texture. On the whole she loves fruit but bananas drive her nuts. I didn't really think I had an irrational hatred until we started about talking about taxes. I'm not against paying taxes - take my money and give me health care, hospitals and roads - I don't mind them EXCEPT I HATE THEM. Not real taxes but because of the Phantom Menace taxes.

20th Century Fox presents (ba ba bababaaaa ba ba ba) Stars Wars: Episode 1. The Phantom Menace

"Turmoil has engulfed the Galactic Republic. The taxation of trade routes to outlaying star systems is in dispute."

That is the first line of the intergalactic scrolling text - I kid you not. Taxation? Trade Routes? What the FUCK is this? Whatever it is, it ain't Star Wars! For all the crimes that Phantom Menace commits (and there are many), that it reads like it was written by an accountant in his lunch hour just drives me fucking bonkers. So, my irrational hatred OF TAXES (and my other team mates deemed my hatred to be irrational) can be blamed on George Lucas. Thanks George.

--

A tear in time

2010-03-02T18:52:00.002+11:00

There is no debating the tragedy that is the Chilean earthquake and I feel for everyone affected by this event so don't think of this post as disrespectful but a 'my-mind-has-been-blown-by-science' post. While my understanding of science is pretty poor, I was pretty blown away to read this article which states that the earthquake was so violent that it shifted the Earth's axis and shortened the day.

Like holy frickin' shit, I know it says that the day was only shortened by a second that idea seems mind blowing to me that an earthquake can tear a hole in time. If you believe in fate, does it alter the future? Does that mean that all those people who like to anthropomorphise the Earth were right and she will shrug humans off her back and discard us?

I don't know what it means except I'm pretty insignificant. Yikes!

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In dreams

2010-02-21T16:15:00.007+11:00

I was talking to a friend about dreams yesterday and the discussion covered whether they were prophetic, the key to past lives or as many scientists believe - brain farts. So, here's a description of a dream I had last night - what do you think?

I was going to see a movie at a cineplex and just as I was about to leave this frickin' messed up terminator turns up fully armed saying no one can leave the cinema.

With his red eyes glowing, he said we needed to go and watch more movies as he needed to talk to each of us individually. Everyone goes back into the cinema and takes their seats but I try to escape through an exit door but it is locked (as are all the others). So, then I sneak out of the movie theatre, past the terminator and I can see what he is doing - he is conducting experiments on all the movie goers.

By this time, things get weird because the cinema has turned into a courthouse and I am now Don Cheadle. So I go to the judge's chambers where I find a secret exit where I have to break a window to escape.

At this point, when I get outside I run into Sarah Palin who says she's going to tell the terminator I escaped. I accuse her of being in collusion with the terminator and I'm going to expose her. And then I wake up...

I am not making this up but I certainly hope that this one is prophetic.

--

No comments necessary for random acts of awesome...

2010-02-18T11:01:00.001+11:00

Get off my lawn, goddarnit...

2010-02-15T18:19:00.009+11:00

I suddenly realised I'm a cranky old man because all these things annoy me...

1. The leaf blower guy next door who has a two square metre concrete box to leaf blow. Somehow, this leaf blower sounds like a 747 landing and when he runs out of leaves, he just stands there revving the engine for half an hour.

2. The neighbour directly opposite him likes to wash down his paths AFTER it rains. He's only beaten by the guy next door to him who hoses down his car WHILE it rains.

3. The pan flute buskers. I've seen them in every city around the world but yet wherever they are, they never fail to remind me how much they totally suck. I really needed to hear El Condor Pasa one more time.

4. No thanks to Simon and Garfunkel for making El Condor Pasa famous and making every pan flute player in the world play it endlessly at volumes no ipod can drown out.

5. Hey man, park your car in a clearway during peak hour and make my bus trip blow out from 10-15 minutes to an hour. Thanks dude. I implore the bus driver to stop the bus and let me out so I can key your car but they just won't let me. Why? He's running behind schedule because of you, moron!

I don't know why these things are driving me crazy but they have all tested my patience in the last 24 hours. Maybe giving up chocolate wasn't such a great idea.

-fin-

--

PS Australia has officially jumped the shark. This is big news... (sigh)

--

Game of Pricks

2010-02-14T13:44:00.003+11:00

I might complain about this for a while. Get ready.

I recently got approval for a loan to buy a small property in Sydney. My plan was to buy a small one bedroom flat in the area where I live. The idea is based on a) spending a lot of money on rent that could be put towards my own mortgage and b) the joyous notion that I'd never, ever have to deal with a real estate agent again. I'm sorry but after eighteen years of renting and being treated like shit consistently by these super villains of commerce has made me extremely bitter. I have long held belief that if there was a nuclear war, the only things which would survive would be cockroaches and real estate agents - cockroaches being the more evolved of the two. This shiny suited pricks would rise from the ashes of humanity's destruction and immediately start talking about a nuclear ravaged landscape as a 'fixer-upper.'

Things have been harder than I expected. Firstly, Sydney is not only suffering from a rental crisis but a home shortage too so the hundreds of people attending a house showing is no different than the hundreds of people attending a rental showing. Secondly, real estate agents knowing someone will buy even the most derelict of shit-holes don't have to pretend to be nice so the difference between a renter and a buyer is no different - they're just pricks to everyone.

Next up, three days after I receive loan approval, this news article appears in the paper. Probably written by some Marrickville real estate agent, it starts trumpeting my suburb will be the next Paddington and invest there NOW! So that plan of sneaking onto the property ladder in sleepy old Marrickville has been destroyed. Thanks corporate media for that! No doubt this will add another 20% to prices in Marrickville as ALL the real estate agents in the area have the article in their front window.

Further, all the houses/flats are now online which is great but often they won't tell you how much they cost. You ring the real estate agency - "I'm sorry I don't know how much that is, it's best to ask the agent at the showing." You turn up to the showing and it's $100,000 more than you can afford. Thanks for wasting my time. They also do that thing where they list studios as one bedroom flats (I'm not going to sleep next to my fridge - it's not going to happen people) and generally misrepresent everything about the residence. Fixer-upper is new code for crack den.

Anyhow, this will teach me for getting involved in this fiasco called home ownership. A recent study found that all property in Sydney is 50% over valued compared to it's international counterparts. I can by a shit hole in Marrickville got $290,000 or an apartment in Berlin for $90,000. What am I doing here, it's madness...

Anyhow, I'll keep you informed of my progress, if any is made...

--

Balls

2010-02-02T16:38:00.002+11:00

Flick of the week

2010-01-31T16:46:00.004+11:00

While I'm on the topic of movies, I like reading the Sunday newspapers - they're an excellent source of ~~news~~ horoscopes. Anyhow, I was astounded to the Sunday Terror's Flick of the Week is The Phantom Menace! Now there's something I didn't expect to see in my lifetime. This pithy piece of journalism starts off saying it might look a bit dated now compared to Avatar but it's still a great film. Still great? WHEN? AND when was this films outdated story telling with it's racial stereotypes, nonsensical plotting (metachlorines my ass!), plodding pace and borderline crappy CGI ever in date? How is this the flick of the week? (particularly in a week featuring Being John Malkovich and The Player?)

Surely, this is one of the seven signs of the apocalypse in revelations... I'm starting to feel like this guy...

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Funniest line of the year so far...

2010-01-31T14:18:00.001+11:00

The Matrix one, you know what I'm taking about...

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James Cameron got my twenty bucks

2010-01-29T14:51:00.004+11:00

So I'm off this work this week and decided to finally see Avatar. I was always planning to see it as unlike most people, I haven't seen Titanic and like most people, I am a fan of Terminator 1&2 and Aliens. So how'd Jim fair? As with everyone else, it was visually impressive although I was more taken with the little things like ash falling rather than the big action set pieces. I kind of fell in and out of unreality - sometimes getting engrossed into the film and forgetting it's one big digital effect only to be jolted out of it by something not quite right or something stupid that Sam Worthington said. I know the story has been analysed to death so I have nothing really to add except it was serviceable but hardly the non-stop headfuck that Aliens was on first view.

What has really been interesting me is all the discussion that Avatar is a game changer for the film industry. Now that Cameron has developed the technology to make this kind of film, any subsequent films of its ilk should be cheaper to make. Further, with the announcement that the next Harry Potter movie and Clash of the Titans will be released as 3d movies it seems that this will be more common. Technologically speaking, this has changed things but will these films work with out the bazillion dollar budget Avatar had? I mean is it far more groundbreaking that an untested director (Neill Blomkamp) made an infinitely more interesting Sci-Fi film (District 9) on a relatively small budget? Is it more interesting that plausibly the most enjoyable film experience I had this year (Fantastic Mr Fox) relied on stop-motion animation and a great story? I'm not sure a bigger budget or 3d technology would have made either of these film better.

I think the concern of Avatar is that it somehow justifies these $230million budgets because it's made a shitload of cash. I love movies but spending the nation GDP of Vanuatu on getting the CGI tears of an alien baby accurate seems somehow... excessive. I guess there will always be blockbusters (and I love them too) but I guess this might be my point, a film maker spending $200 million+ on a film isn't going to make anything particularly challenging so that it wouldn't alienate mainstream audiences. The last big budget film which really pushed some boundaries was Watchmen - sourced from a great graphic novel and not as bad as people made it out to be. But its box office failure no doubt stopped the film industry seriously considering the production of big budget films with anti-heroes and challenging plots. Or maybe Kickass will change that?

Anyhow, there's no central thesis here, I'm just talking. I just know James Cameron got $20 out of me for a film I think probably supports the more excessive trends in Hollywood. Then again, I did just enjoy my last three hours so maybe it's money well spent...

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Them Crooked Bogans

2010-01-27T07:55:00.004+11:00

So I went to see Them Crooked Vultures last night and of course, it was awesome. The riffs were rifftastic, the rock action was premium grade and that distant roar of cicadas I hear at this very moment is me losing my hearing just a little bit.

As I don't get out to concerts that often anymore, I forgot for a minute, that rock music, the music I love, is bogan music. I think things were exacerbated by the fact it was Australia day so the audience was full of all these dickheads in their flags, with their southern cross tattoos getting really drunk and aggressive. They had flag tattoos on their foreheads like a sign saying 'punch me here' and instead of chucking their drink cups on the floor, they just threw them at people's heads. There was the one big sweaty dude in front of me doing the 'I have no awareness of the people around me and I'll hit you if you get in my way' dance. I thought the nervy guy in a Metallica shirt next to him was going to punch him but no such luck. So, great band but the audience, my people, bogans.

This was made all the more apparent as I went for a drink after the show in the pub closest to where the Dirty Three were playing. All the asymmetrical haircutted indie boys and the impossibly cute girls that love them were there. Pound for pound, a much better looking and cooler group of people.

Look, I like living in Australia, but I don't feel the need to hoist the southern cross like a swastika. And I don't feel embarrassed by the music I listen to but for the love of Pete, why don't you leave your militant austra-fascism at home for an evening you bogan wankers and just enjoy the music without hitting anyone. Thank you.

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Overheard

2010-01-26T13:44:00.002+11:00

Crossing the street this morning in Marrickville...

Random homeless guy crossing in the opposite direction: Not so funny now is it people? (cue evil manical laughter).

--

ahh so many memories...

2010-01-23T13:28:00.003+11:00

I'm surprised that I've seen so many of these films...

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Anyone in Sydney today I sincerely recommend not going outside. I just went down the video store (about 3 minutes walk away) and a minute into the walk my eyes were watering, the insides of my nostrils were sweating and it felt like I was going to collapse. I've lived in hot weather but today with combination of heat and wind - it seems unrelentingly oppressive... (as of the time of writing it is 38.4 degrees).

(Update - stroke of 4pm, gale force cool winds blow the heat away - thank you unnamed deity!)

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New pop lists

2010-01-18T20:35:00.002+11:00

Pretty busy at the moment but just thought I'd point out there are two new lists on the other site. One from a musical genius and one by me bitching about album covers. See it here.

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People got a lotta nerve...

2010-01-13T20:28:00.005+11:00

For one reason or another, I haven't been going to many gigs recently but I was positively giddy at seeing Neko Case last night. And it was almost the perfect evening. Rolled up and got the rock star park out the front of the venue. Got the tip off to arrive early and sauntered in to get front row seats (no seat allocation for some reason). Neko Case puts on an amazing performance and plays the perfect set (all my favourite songs!). Show finishes, a set list is secured (above) and then off for great Vietnamese. All brilliant!!!

But there was one low point of the set. I don't know if it was a function of the gig being part of the Sydney Festival or that it was in a concert hall but in between songs some woman yells out, "Can you turn your amplifiers off?" Lady, amplification allows us to hear the music so what the FUCK are you talking about? Maybe she expected an acoustic set or something but this did not go down well. I think Neko thought it was a statement on the quality of the music and she got well pissed off basically chiding the heckler for a while and looking angry for a few songs until she regained her composure.

I've been to a lot of shows and heard a lot of hecklers - the drunks, the abusive losers and the overzealous fans but that shit was just weird and just kind of dragged what was an amazing performance down for a little while. People?!... words escape me...

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Listomania continues

2010-01-10T15:26:00.002+11:00

As you may have noticed, I like lists. I'm a popular culture nerd who likes to argue about music, movies and books and compile lists about the things I love and hate. For example, the greatest album list of the noughties challenge has been taken up by a large number of my friends. I imagine at some point, we're all going to meet, play music and argue until we're blue in the face about the relative merits of our respective tastes.

I was talking to my friend Stephen who said it would be a great idea to compile all these lists on a website somewhere. So I have done - here. I figure instead of populating my site with hundreds of lists about music and films, I'd do that on another site and invite anyone who is keen to contribute their lists as well. I think I'm going to do one a week but I started it with Stephen's comprehensive Top 100 of the Noughties.

So if you're interested, send me a list and I'll put it up and then argue passionately as to why you're wrong...

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The list

2010-01-05T18:48:00.004+11:00

These are my favourite records of the last decade. It has been brought back to an infinitely more manageable top 50 from 100 but they're all winners in their own way (a lot of great albums grazed the 50 mark but this is as faithful to my listening loves and habits as I can get). I was surprised - two live albums; heaps of female artists; a lack of metal and rawwwwk!; too much folky strumming and a lot of guitar solos. It all means nothing and will probably change tomorrow but enjoy...

1. Songs for the Deaf – Queens of The Stone Age
2. Body of Song – Bob Mould
3. Stories From The City, Stories From The Sea - PJ Harvey
4. Bubblegum – Mark Lanegan
5. Rated R - Queens of the Stone Age
6. Time (Revelator) - Gillian Welch
7. Middle Cyclone – Neko Case
8. The Creek Drank The Cradle – Iron and Wine
9. Rock Action – Mogwai
10. The Greatest – Cat Power
11. White Pony - Deftones
12. One Beat - Sleater Kinney
13. Live - Built to Spill
14. Them Crooked Vultures – Them Crooked Vultures
15. Alive 2007 – Daft Punk
16. Plans - Death Cab For Cutie
17. Travels with Myself and Another – Future of the Left
18. The Argument - Fugazi
19. Kid A - Radiohead
20. Our Endless Numbered Days – Iron and Wine
21. You Are Free - Cat Power
22. American III: Solitary Man - Johnny Cash
23. Finally We Are No One - Mum
23. () - Sigur Ros
24. All Hands On The Bad One - Sleater Kinney
25. Son Of Evil Reindeer - The Reindeer Section
26. In The Reins - Calexico/Iron & Wine
27. Thirteen Tales From Urban Bohemia – The Dandy Warhols
28. Seven Swans - Sufjan Stevens
29. With Teeth - Nine Inch Nails
30. Do Dallas – Mclusky
31. The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford - Nick Cave & Warren Ellis
32. The Hawk Is Howling – Mogwai
33. In Search Of… - NERD
34. Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas To Heaven – Godspeed You! Black Emperor
35. Gold - Ryan Adams
36. Saturnalia – The Gutter Twins
37. Everything All The Time - Band of Horses
38. Things We Lost In The Fire – Low
39. You’re a Woman, I’m a Machine – Death From Above 1979
40. In Rainbows - Radiohead
41. District Line - Bob Mould
42. Come On Feel The Illinoise! - Sufjan Stevens
43. There Is No Enemy – Built to Spill
44. Source Tags and Codes – Trail of Dead
45. It's Not Me, It's You - Lily Allen
46. This Island – Le Tigre
47. For Emma, Forever Ago – Bon Iver
48. Two Suns - Bat For Lashes
49. Elephant - The White Stripes
50. Sunrise Projector – Tycho

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Happy new what!

2010-01-02T21:18:00.007+11:00

Happy new year. My question is, when is it reasonable to demand your neighbours take down their stupid Christmas lights? This photo was taken ten minutes ago.

New year resolution/revolutions will not be entered into here but as usual it is the bunch of self improvement promises that everyone has. I also wanted to note that when visiting my parents, I passed the big prawn for probably the last time as it is due for demolition soon. My Dad asked me if I wanted to get out and take a photo. The obvious answer is no and here is a shot for prosperity as we drove by. The big off prawn, may you rest in many pieces.

I wanted to talk about my favourite Vietnamese restaurant. Feeling lazy, I went down there tonight for some food and I noticed two things. Normally, they play that kind of relentlessly cheery Asian pop that you only hear when you're on tour in SE Asia - the kind they play insistently on six hour bus trips at volumes that no ipod can disguise. ANYHOW, I have started to notice a trend in that whenever a non-Vietnamese person walks in, the Asian pop is quickly replaced by an album of western power ballads. It starts with Richard Marx and then quickly heads down to Mariah, Whitney and Celine territory. Not pretty. They also have a TV playing loudly to compete with the terrible music which I noticed wasn't on tonight. The beautiful host (and she is a lovely and wonderful host) saw me looking at the blank TV and promptly turned it on. I'm hoping they aren't playing this music specifically when they see me walking in but that would be paranoid, no? Thoughts, suggestions... Maybe, I'll just get take away next time.

--

Finally, I've been working on my list of top 100 albums of the 00s but it is more exhaustive and time consuming than I thought. However, being that I am in a list mode, while watching some videos on Max (God bless pay TV at my parent's house), I saw an old Madonna video that got me thinking about guilty pleasures. I kind of hate that term because I rarely feel guilty about liking pop songs but there are a whole bunch of songs with infectious choruses that I had passing affection for but which you will never find on my last.fm charts or on my ipod. So here are my list of the top (not so) guilty pleasure songs for each year of the 00's:

2000 Don't tell me - Madonna (Maddy embraces stutter cowboy chic - I'm conflicted as to whether any Madonna post 1990 is embarrassing or not)

2001 Family Affair - Mary J Blige (Mary croons over red hot Dre production)

2002 Hot in herre - Nelly (plausibly the most presumptuous song ever written)

2003 Beautiful - Christina Aguilera (launching a thousand karaoke sail boats forever!)

2004 My Happy Ending - Avril Lavinge (I know, I KNOW - she is THE worst but this song has a killer chorus. Weirdly, Bob Mould totally rips the vocal hook off on the song Beating Heart The Prize).

2005 Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson (I STILL LISTEN TO THIS SONG! SHAME! This nudged out the Veronicas 4ever and Rhianna Pon the Replay - seriously)

2006 Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol (I am so embarrassed for liking some songs by this band BUT particularly this one)

2007 Say It Right - Nelly Furtado (Just a great song)

2008 Don't Stop the Music - Rihanna (everyone's favourite robot in a pretty lean year - this is a consolation as I can't put in Shut Up and Drive because that was 2007)

2009 I Do Not Hook Up - Kelly Clakson (I know, she basically remade Since U Been Gone but I'm still a sucker for this song).

So there you go, those are my dirty little secrets. Notice I didn't put any Beyonce or JT on the list - that's because they're awesome and Crazy in Love is probably one of my favourite songs ever... I feel dirty... I'm going to listen to some Slayer.

Anyone got any bad music confessions?

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iPlod predicts the future

2009-12-30T19:05:00.004+11:00

Once again I will be stealing Katie's ideas for a blog entry - essentially predicting my new year with an ipod. Katie has the stately Podley where I have my old faithful iPlod to predict my future. Let's warm it up, ask some burning questions and get some genuine insight delivered courtesy of Steve Jobs' love juice (I don't know what that is).

First up: Rewarding year at work or one step closer to death?
Answer: Better Things - Massive Attack
Subtext: Magic Doors - Portishead
Hey, hey, looks like my work life is going to improve all courtesy of Bristol trip hop. Thanks Massive.

Second question: Am I going to be stuck in Sydney or off for some adventure in the new year?
Answer: Red Rain - Peter Gabriel
Subtext: Still Cold - Mazzy Star
I'm going to take that as a no. Rain outside, a chilly reception etc. But most of all, I should just let you know I love Peter Gabriel and have no shame by having this song (and album) on my ipod.

Thirdly: Is this going to be a better year for the loving?
Answer: Hangin' on a limb - Neil Young
Subtext: On the verge - Le Tigre
While Neil's song sounds negative, it's actually a beautiful song about rekindling love deemed lost. And with Le Tigre saying I'm on the verge of something great, I'll take that as it's going to be a better year.

Fourth: Another year of fat slob or will you find your inner fitness freak?
Answer: Ruffwon - Hermitude
Subtext: Monster in the Parasol - Queens of the Stone Age
Ruffwon is this really amazing instrumental but as it kind of suggests 'Rough One' and Monster in the Parasol is about taking drugs, I figure I'll be a fat slob again.

5. Will the Rabboitohs win this year?
Answer: Headache - Frank Black
Subtext: Can't See - Unsane
Urm, no.

Sixsixsix: Will it be a productive year creatively?
Answer: Classic Noodlanding - Do Make Say Think
Subtext: Get in the Ring - Guns N' Roses
Mixed messages here with DMTS suggesting another year of noodling along where Axl invites me to fight for it. Jury is out on this so we'll see.

Seven: Will 2010 be better than the satan's butthole that was 2009?
Answer: Reason to be Beautiful - Hole
Subtext: 50 Million Year Trip (Downside Up) - Kyuss
Again mixed messages but I figure I'll go with the positive and say it's going to be a reasonable yet beautiful interstellar journey of about 50 million years in length. AWESOME!

Thanks iPlod!

-

In 3's

2009-12-22T17:15:00.005+11:00

One of those unfortunate internet things going around which I rather enjoy.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
Jon
JH
Uncle Jonny

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
du_husker
randomesque
kid idiosyncratic

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
Mole on my hand
My little belly
My real smile

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
Old age hair invasion (nose and ears mainly)
Cracking bones
Urm, my perfect hair?!

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
Stoke City FC
Cups of tea
The Beatles

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
Heights
Dementia
Conservative politics

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
Hot shower
Rock action
Horoscopes

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
Glasses
Rebels vs Empire shirt (NERD!)
Sexy underwear

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
Queens of the Stone Age
Bob Mould
Neko Case

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (at the moment):
Dictaphone's Lament - Tycho
Natural One - The Folk Implosion
Bandoliers - Them Crooked Vultures

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
I hate being on holidays
I like being on holidays
What he said...

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
Face
Good for cuddling
Good dressers (how do you answer this without sounding totally dodgy?)

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
Buying vinyl
Arguing about music
Reading a good book

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
Drink juice
Travel the world
Write something witty

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
English teacher in Cambodia
Retiree
Pirate of the high seas

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
Japan
Portugal
China (again)

THREE KID NAMES YOU LIKE:
Judas
Damien Omen
Bud

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
Actually write a novel all the way through
Travel to Nepal
Play guitar in a band in front of an audience

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
I like the Gilmore Girls - that's enough isn't it?

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
I like football
A little hairy
Urm.. penis?

THREE JOBS I HAVE HAD IN MY LIFE:
Marketer
Advocate
Fruitshop boy

THREE PLACES I HAVE LIVED:
Townsville
Adelaide
Stoke-on-Trent

THREE SHOWS THAT I WATCH:
Mad Men
Lost
The Amazing Race

THREE PLACES I HAVE BEEN:
Yankalilla
Dequin
Cinque Terra

THREE PLACES I HAVE BEEN THIS LAST WEEK:
Home
Work
Bottle shop

THREE PEOPLE WHO EMAIL ME REGULARLY:
G-star
My sister
Nigerian princes

THREE OF MY FAVORITE FOODS:
Baked Beans (Heinz BBQ flavour to be exact)
Creme Brulee (Bourke Street Bakery variety)
Mango flavoured yoghurt

THREE PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:
Sipping cocktails at a Thai beach resort
Front row at a Them Crooked Vultures concert
My recently purchased mansion (that doesn't exist)

THREE THINGS I AM HOPING FOR IN THE NEXT YEAR:
Good people
Good music
Love (why not?)

--

Rocky...

2009-12-21T20:12:00.005+11:00

No matter what you can say about Sylvester Stallone and his career, it's very hard to deny the power of the original Rocky movie. It's the classic story of an unknown actor fighting to star in his own film which was resisted at every level. Then it comes out, people go berserk for it and it wins a bunch of Oscars. It is chock full of iconic scenes which have become a pervasive part of our cultural fabric.

ANYHOW, I mention this because I went to see a friend of mine who works at a record store which sells collectable figurines. They had just received a shipment of Rocky figures, so firstly we have Rocky and Adrian but it was this other figure that I found totally mind blowing.

If you'll recall Paulie lets Rocky practice his boxing on frozen carcasses at the meat packing plant in the docks. Amazingly, you can buy a figurine of the carcass or 'The Meat' as the packet says. I'm not sure if anyone finds this strange or not but it's the first time I remember seeing a figurine for an inanimate object from a film before...

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Finally, a Christmas miracle I can rally around

2009-12-21T09:21:00.002+11:00

Rage Against The Machine beat a reality star singing a Miley Cyrus cover to claim the UK Christmas number 1. Brings a tear to my eye.... seriously.

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Flick this

2009-12-20T18:09:00.007+11:00

Someone asked me recently (urm... Katie, the only person who I think reads this blog) whether I had a Flickr site or not and the truth is I have about three of them. I tend to get enthusiastic about photography for a while and then get over it. When I return to my Flickr sites, I can never remember the log in because you have to create a yahoo account (which I never use) and I can never remember the log-in. SO, I have finally set up one more Flickr site which I'll load up some non-blog photos. Most of the photos I've uploaded are one's I had on my old Flickr site from a trip to China last year. But anyhow, you'll find me trying to be arty here... (Fail).

PS: If world leaders are serious about climate change, I think I've found a solution. Just get my idiot neighbour to turn off his Christmas lights. Seriously, the three weeks these lights are on will probably be responsible for the island Tuvalu being underwater by February. I'm not sure how much power he's chewing through to keep this going but it's probably as much as a moderate sized township. Even worse, there is some blow up sculpture of Santa riding a quad bike (!?) with Rudolph on the back in his front yard. The only problem is that every time I walk by it actually looks like Rudolph is coming from the rear... urm, sexually. Then I look closer and see that's it's not but do I have to really spend the next three weeks walking to my house and thinking everyday "is that reindeer fucking Santa?" Stop the madness and save the planet I say.

Update: Santa definitely looks he's ready for something...

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Listomania redux

2009-12-16T17:01:00.004+11:00

My friend Katie recently freaked me our about who you stalk online because it's really easy to be busted. I kinda thought that's the only reason the internet was invented but oh well... Anyhow, she listed her favourite songs of 2009 and I thought I'd do the same. The rules are pretty simple, pick songs that you have listened to a lot in 2009 (they do not necessarily have to be released this year though). Katie cleverly put together a mix tape to download but my zipping skills are pretty shit (WHY WON'T YOU WORK, OH ZIP GOD!) so I'll just put short descriptions to give you an idea of what they sound like (I should say that because I go to the gym during the week, my songs are generally dominated by rah-rah boy songs because that's how I roll when I pump iron and stare at myself for hours in the gym mirrors).

1. Guided by Voices: Teenage FBI
Sounds like: the perfect pop song about alienation and how your crush on a girl makes you act like a crazy person. We've all been there.

2.Bob Mould - The Breach
Sounds like: A break up song in two voices - one plaintive and sad: the other saying literally 'I'm sick of your shit, you bloody martyr!' Bad times were had by all.

3. Mclusky - To Hell With Good Intentions
Sounds like: a song so good I named my blog after it.

4. Future of the Left - Arming Eritrea
Sounds like: an awesome Mclusky song (because they kind of are Mclusky).

5. Neko Case - Prison Girls
Sounds like: Southern gothic chic with murderous overtones...

6. Unkle - Restless
Sounds like: Queens of the Stone Age decides to mug Daft Punk in a back alley but decide they really like each other and make sweet love instead.

7. Ludacris - Get Back
Sounds like: I have to thank Tom Cruise for exposing me to this in Tropic Thunder. It's the chorus that gets me everytime.

8. Mogwai - Batcat
Sounds like: You're pursued across a post-apocalyptic wasteland until eventually you are devoured alive by nuclear brain hungry zombies.

9. Fourtet - Unspoken
Sounds like: Rediscovered 9 minute opus which makes you sad but is great for listening to when you're walking.

10. DFA 1979 - Black History Month
Sounds like: A long lost boogie woogie classic...

11. Lily Allen - 22
Sounds like: A song that The Specials should have done but sung by an adorable skank instead.

12. Snow Patrol - Take Back The City
Sounds like: A lame arse pop song by a crap band which I couldn't get out of my head and then through therapy (generally electroshock), I admitted I loved it (I can forgive myself because I like the Reindeer Section).

13. Them Crooked Vultures - Spinning in the Daffodils
Sounds like: Post apocalyptic Bowie through a drone blender. To be honest, it could have been any of the TCV album here.

Having thought about it, I already want to change a few but that'll do for now right...

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List time

2009-12-05T17:30:00.005+11:00

It's that time of the year where every dog and his Norwegian grandmother is making yearly and decade lists about the best books, music, movies, typography, episode of Rock of Love - and I'm no different. To think about the best albums of the decade is a little too much to wrap my head around just yet but I thought I'd like to write about my favourite albums of the year.

Them Crooked Vultures - Them Crooked Vultures
Before TCV released any substantial clips of music, they played a number of shows to fans sight, unheard (I listened to the bootlegs). Despite being a position where they played to audiences who hadn't heard a note of the music before the second they saw them live, the same thing happens in every show. Once they get about 30 seconds into Elephants (above), the crowd goes apeshit. Why? because they have being possessed by the unrelenting awesomeness of undiluted rock action. I love rock music and my mancrush on Josh Homme has been well established but nothing prepared me for just how great this album is. Fuck the haters (hello pitchfork), this album was design for playing the air instrument of your choice to when you're not throwing devil horns. Sexy times were had by all.

Neko Case - Middle Cyclone
A beautiful red headed woman belting out inspired country pop - what's not to love? I've always had a soft spot for Neko but this was my album of the year until the release of TCV. It's one of those albums which is somehow timeless but of its time and just exudes that spirit of being produced in a high state of inspiration, clarity, ambition and unrelenting brilliance. I love this album.

Bob Mould - Life and Times
Any year that Bob Mould releases an album is a good year for me. I've been a Bob fan for 20 years and his music has been a constant in my life whether it's been Husker Du, Sugar or solo. Now, that being said, Bob is a an acquired taste and most of my friends kind of go 'huh' when I start on one of my raves about him. This album isn't as good as his last one but it's a solid Bob album (he is yet to surpass the late career benchmark of the Body of Song album).

Future of the Left - Travels With Myself and Another
I was always a fan of Mclusky (this blog is named after one of their songs for example) but since their demise I hadn't really paid much attention to what the band members were up to. Big mistake. FOTL left picks up the psycho-sexual-fucked-up-psychotic-absurdist rantings of Mclusky, polishes them up and takes them to a new dimension hippies. Who couldn't love a song called 'You need Satan more than he needs you'? Who couldn't love a band who hates Margaret Thatcher with a burning passion? Who couldn't love a band as fantastic as this? Answer: only a moron couldn't.

Superchunk - Leaves in the Gutter EP
Superchunk haven't released an album since, like, OMG, forever and pretty much everything post Here's where the strings come in was a bit of a let down (except the underrated Here's to shutting up). I have my theories why this happened. Firstly, the writing company for lead singer Mac is 'All the songs sounds the same music.' The decline in their music coincided with Superchunk not really sounding like Superchunk anymore. Secondly, Mac decided to sing in a higher register which just kind of sucked because he already sung kinda high already. Anyhow, on this ep, Mac is back to his lower voice and these songs (and a vinyl only single Crossed Wires backed by the superior Blinders) is a total vindication of my devotion, love and defense of Superchunk. The song Learned to Surf made me sing out loud when I walk down the street and break into air guitar at inappropriate times - yeah,it's that good.

The Dead Weather - Horehound
Bluesy sexy scuzz rock. Jack rather than Meg on drums and doesn't sing too much. A pretty solid album that is greater than the sum of its parts.

Japandroids - Post Nothing
Despite the guitar/drums set up being a bit tired, this album is all kinds of awesome. Just bare bones rock and even though No Age love Bob Mould better, I think the Japandroids are a better prospect.

Built to Spill - There is no enemy
I'm always amazed when a band can release one of it's best albums twenty years into its career (not many have - Fugazi's The Argument being the obvious one that pops to mind). Built to Spill are other long time favourites of mine but I can't say I've really loved much of their music this decade which makes this album all the more shocking. It is drop dead fucking A grade BTS from go to whoa - no filler - just guitar-crazed-Neil-Youngesque-style-freak-outs like the old days but with great songs to back it up.

Lily Allen - It's Not Me, It's You
Yeah I know I suck but I love my girly pop as much as I love my Slayer. A bit skanky, a bit cute, a bit subversive, say what you want - great tunes.

Various Artists - Dark Was The Night
A compilation album for the Red, Hot and Blue organisation filled with all those indie buzz bands that we're supposed to love. However, this album (especially disc 1) is amazing both in tone and quality. Stand out for me is Bon Iver but there's a lot to discover on this record.

Sarah Blasko: Woman by the Well (for Shoot The Player) from shoottheplayer.com on Vimeo.

Sarah Blasko - As Day Follows Night
More girly pop but darker, sadder and lonelier. A delicate break up album to listen to as the long, empty bitter days drag on.

--

That's about all I can think of at the moment but I'm sure there's others I might remember (maybe I'll update this if I can be arsed and I'm not sure if I can be bothered writing about Bats for Lashes and the Iron and Wine compilation album). I've challenged some of my friends to come up with a list of their favourite albums for the last ten years. Are you up for the challenge? You have until New Year's eve...

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Reverse psychology...

2009-11-25T20:51:00.001+11:00

Plausibly the WEIRDEST sign I have ever seen on a church...

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When Twitter gets cute...

2009-11-13T08:15:00.004+11:00

Apparently, Britney's twitter account was hacked... or was it?

-

Crooked

2009-11-11T17:29:00.003+11:00

After what can only be described as a crappy few weeks, music saves me again with the release of the Them Crooked Vultures album. As per some of my earlier entries, I have been indulging in PDORA (Public Displays of Rock Action). I've been throwing devil horns and playing air guitar at inappropriate moments in my travels. My workmates find it hilarious. To be honest, the guitar on this album is so good, I'm not sure my extensive air guitar skills can do it justice let alone my real guitar playing skills.

We'll see. After caning Neko Case, Future of the Left and Bob Mould this year, I think I have found my album of the year! I kinda hate emoticons but I'm sure you can work this one out... \m/

Halloweeny

2009-11-08T21:05:00.002+11:00

I was feeling industrious last weekend and made my friend a jack o' lantern for Halloween. She likes it so much she's left it to rot in her lounge room. Even though it's probably not clear, the hair growing from his head is, in fact, mould. Awesome.

random shit

2009-10-27T15:37:00.003+11:00

The song, We Walk, by the Ting Tings is in fact, very good for walking to.

--

David: You kind of look like a communist in that coat.

Jonathan: I am 'kind of' a communist.

--

I had a post-modern experience where I listened to the first single from Them Crooked Vultures while being on a band forum with a bunch of people around the world. I tipped them off that it was going to be live streamed on tripl j from 6pm but unfortunately, they didn't play it until 6:40pm. That forty minutes was made up of some of the shittiest music I've ever heard - so much so the crowd in the forum turned on me while they impatiently waited. One guy told me to"please die and burn in hell." But he seemed happy when the song came on though. Music fans... geez...

--

I am taking part in Movember. It's a work thing but in my effort to, urm, make an effort I will be growing a moustache for the next month. I think I'll look pretty stoopid but it's raising money for prostate cancer and men's depression (hello!). So if you have any dosh you wanna sling to the cause, let' me know. My donation page is here. Of course, I'll be charting my progress in the most humiliating way possible...

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A death in the family

2009-10-14T18:36:00.005+11:00

This is my 'shit, I've been busted by the pigs' look...

I am sad to announce that my long suffering yet faithful ipod shuffle named guypod is dying. He won't connect to my computer so he will slowly run out of power. As you may or may not know, I proclaimed guypod to be indestructible when I slammed him in a taxi door about ten times. Sadly, his slow death is just a terrible accident. I dropped my back pack on concrete which broke a bottle of deodorant and essentially, guypod drowned in Nivea for Men underarm. As he was in the bottom of my bag, he was a gooey mess by the time I realised what had happened.

At first, I thought he was dead but after a bit of jiggling I got a bit of a static sound of him. Then he started playing music but it kept fading in and out. Now, he sits forlornly on my desk waiting to go to the recycling bin in the sky. Sad. I bought a new shuffle but I'm yet to bond with him or her.

My last thoughts are that while guypod was a faithful friend, at least as he leaves this mortal coil he smells damn good...

--

I want to share two encounters I had this week that left an impression on me. The first was with a old Chinese taxi driver who was playing air guitar to Howzat! as he drove. This was an awesome feat of dexterity I thought because it's not really an air guitar song and he was still driving with no hands on the wheel.

The other was an old dude standing in the middle of a lane on King Street. Obviously, a bit frail he was in the middle of the street waving his walking stick for a taxi I believed. But as the bus I was in inched around him he started to attack the bus with his the stick, beating the side of it. Not sure if he wanted to bus to stop or die but I thought it was kind of awesome.

--

Yeah, I know it's been kind of dead around here but you'll be happy to know I've been writing a rom-com in my spare time. I don't think there are enough explosions in romantic comedies so I decided to rectify that.

Hope you're well.

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Red Medicine

2009-09-23T16:45:00.005+10:00

What's wrong with this picture?

See the sky? That's where Sydney should be. Yep, I woke up this morning, rolled over and there was the apocalypse streaming through my windows.... finally!

Due to some weird high winds and a continent largely made up off grainy red dust, Sydney woke up to these vaguely Armageddeon-esque skies. The thin red dust seemed to coat everything in a fine film - especially the insides of my lungs. Oh well, at least it gave everyone something to talk about today. Here's some more pictures...

Fashion attack

2009-09-05T16:05:00.002+10:00

I'm the last person who should be commenting about what people wear but I saw some very special outfits today that I'd like to share.

7:30am Old guy walking down Marrickville Road wearing slippers, pajama shorts, a bright red mickey mouse shirt and a long bath robe covered in teddy bears.

11:23am Anyone who knows the Twilight mythology knows that the vampires in that series do not rip out your jugular or combust in sunlight - they play baseball and twinkle like golden diamonds in the sun. Hence, a group of young girls in Twilight shirts wearing gold glitter all over their face walking out of Town Hall station. You'll regret it later girls...

12:30pm Matching blue and pink 'shit happens' t-shirts on a young couple in Market City but being very transgressive, she wore the blue one and he wore the pink one. Despite this, they both looked pretty stupid.

I'm going down the shop for some milk - can't wait to see what comes next...

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Some things I learnt this week...

2009-08-30T14:58:00.005+10:00

1. I hate working Saturdays... I guess I didn't really learn this, I was just reminded of it.

2. I am owed six months back pay (yay!) so I'm contemplating a trip to Northern NSW.. or Macau on the new budget airline Viva Macau Airlines. I have to admit that the name of the airline doesn't scream air safety to me but then I take Sydney Buses everyday - it couldn't be any worse right?

3. I think in my entire life I have never used the word 'rad'... until this week when I was describing the film District 9. I think the words 'awesome' and 'violent' were in that same sentence so it must have really struck a chord with my inner-twelve old.

4. The first new war of the 21st century will not be between aliens and humans but music nerds and hipsters. Apparently, the first salvo in the war was Pitchfork listing their top 500 songs for the 00's... Your move hipsters...

5. I'm having an Almodovar film retrospective and every film so far has made me cry at least once. It's like a Spanish version of the Gilmore Girls or something...

6. After listening to Future of the Left talk about Margaret Thatcher, they are my new heroes. See below...

Dirty Laundry Presents: Future Of The Left from Dirty Laundry on Vimeo.

In dreams...

2009-08-26T09:15:00.002+10:00

Yesterday I had a dream that Richard Wilkens was reading my tarot cards while riding a slow moving rollercoaster on live TV. Wilkens had a brake to control the speed of the rollercoaster and was working through the deck of the cards telling me what was going to happen in my life. Unfortunately, the brake broke and the rollercoaster started zooming out of control, the tarot cards blew away and Wilkens started screaming hysterically all the while being filmed for television.

The footage of Richard Wilkens losing his shit became a youtube sensation but I was just bummed I didn't find out what my future was.

That's a pretty normal dream right?

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Stand by your manatee

2009-08-16T19:19:00.015+10:00

Ok, it's actually a dugong, not a manatee but you know what I mean...

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Interior Design.

2009-08-12T17:33:00.004+10:00

Let me tell you about my flat. The kitchen windows look directly onto the walkway where my neighbours pass to get to their abodes. Until last week, all I had up on the window was some fine netting which fortunately for some of my neighbours gave them the ideal insight into my world - ie they'd kind of walk slowly by or just stand there and watch me go about my business. 90% of the time that is me watching TV or reading a book but I finally had enough and got these curtains - plausibly the ugliest fucking curtains in the entire world.

You see, I went to a nearby manchester shop, picked what I thought were some rather innocuous purple curtains and asked them to cut them to size. What I didn't realise was once they were free of their packets they actually had this terrible tie dye effect with the little tassles - so chic! Anyhow, I'd spent the money and I'd prefer to look at ugly curtains than the creepy old guy from flat 4 watch me do the dishes.

I can safely say if you are an interior designer - your job is safe. Ugly, ugly, ugly - yet lovably crappy - just the way I like it.

That said, I have this to look forward to...

Things are looking up...

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Marrickville Apocalypse

2009-08-07T18:37:00.011+10:00

Heya, it's been a challenging couple of weeks with all sorts of craziness going on. One of the few things I have faith in is my ability to overcome the shit times so I'll resume normal blogging soon - once I get a big work project out of the way (I have to work this weekend - no fun) and get over this eclipse (that's for you astrology fans ho ho). Anyhow here's a few photos from the last couple of weeks...

Weird apocalyptic sunsets over Marrickville...

Late night driving adventures...

Blurry plane, Melbourne airport...

Mac grave yard...

Can you say cheese? Photo for new Blanket article - which should be up soon...

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My new favourite website

2009-07-30T09:38:00.001+10:00

I've been busy with, er, life so I haven't much time to blog but I'll be updating properly soon. In the mean time, check out my new favourite website.

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ipod face

2009-07-22T20:54:00.006+10:00

I think I have explained before that I have two ipods: iplod, my 60gb library on the move for long trips and guypod - the day to day going to the gym shuffle filled with guy music to make me run faster.

These days I mainly use guypod because it just fits into my pocket and is a nice distillation of up tunes to get me through the day (generally punk, rock and metal). However, I have noticed a strange new behaviour that is slowly taking hold over me. It started with gentle head rocking while listening to certain songs. I think that's ok to be in your own little world and bopping along.

But then I started to noticed my head started to go the full on head bang when certain heavy bits of songs would kick in - just one or two but a head bang nonetheless. Fortunately, it looks more like a involuntary head spasm than a cue for me to jump up on my seat on the bus and play air guitar.

But it gets worse: I started making what I would refer to as ipod face where I scrunch up my face (guitar solo style) during some of the heavier rock moments on guypod. These facial contortions probably make me look like I'm having a stroke when I'm on the bus to work each morning but as is the case with public transport, everyone pretends to ignore the crazy person.

This problem reached its apex this morning when walking down King Street, I was listening to this new Superchunk song which I love and during the chorus I started singing... out loud... in the middle of the street. Fortunately, it was peak hour and no one could really hear me but still...

I feel like I'm one step away from walking down the street with a transistor radio to one ear while screaming at young people that aliens run the planet. That being said, I'd much rather risk dementia than have to listen to the dull beat of someone else's ipod or worse, inane mobile phone conversations the morning. Don't these people know I must be alone until at least the first cup of tea or 10am? (whichever comes first).

So if you see a crazy man on public transport, banging his head, singing and playing air guitar to his ipod, it's highly likely to be me. It was bound to happen - just accept it...

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Guitar zero

2009-07-18T12:44:00.003+10:00

Strange, I can play real guitar but I'm way too unco to play guitar hero... Hopefully, one day they'll release keytar hero and I'll be able to play that...

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Makes me proud to be Australian...

2009-07-15T08:39:00.001+10:00

Eddie Maguire strikes again...

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The worst band in the world are returning to Australia...

2009-07-13T19:39:00.004+10:00

The last time I heard a song by these idiots was by a cover band across the street from the bar I was drinking at in Hong Kong. This was my reaction...

These guys are more of a threat than terrorism, isn't there some kind of immigration policy to stop them? Think of the children... what about the innocent children?

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Summer is over...

2009-07-11T10:36:00.002+10:00

Hunting Season

2009-07-09T17:18:00.001+10:00

Remember, popular artists can turn unpopular in a heartbeat (Ryan Adams, Bright Eyes, The Strokes), so you would be best to stick to the following statements: “I love the Arcade Fire,” “I still think the Montreal scene is the best in the world,” “I would die without Stereogum or Fluxblog“* and “Joanna Newsom is maybe the most original artist today.”

*-do not substitute Stereogum for Pitchfork, as this is one of those things that used to be cool, but is now not cool.

This pithy bit of commentary on indie music comes from Stuff White People Like - a website that sadly confirms I am 80% cliche. The reason I bring it up is that Katie's blog has got me thinking about my relationship to music and I have a confession to make - I hate all the cool indie music at the moment.

Now don't get me wrong, I have often fallen behind the cool barometer and I have never been into fads (that whole brit indie shite a while back like Bloc Party and Kasabian was appalling and Vampire Weekend sounded like a Talking Heads cover band) but the current crop of bands that Pitchfork and Stereogum are going weak at the knees for sound like crap to me. I think I am, gulp, getting old.

This pains me because I buy and listen to a lot of new music. I have a philosophy that I hope that I have yet to hear my favourite album of all time - that it's somewhere unheard or not even made yet. Recently I've found myself going back to the warm climes of bands I've always liked. There's been a lot of Bob Mould, Superchunk and Mogwai. Of the newer bands - I've come very late to the Death Cab party (about five years after they were cool) and the Future of the Left (who are made up of McLusky members and sound just like, well, McLusky - and that's when I'm actually not listening to McLusky or Death From Above 1979 who sound kind of similar).

Some (actually, many) would argue that I have terrible taste in music (I won't argue) and while music is subjective, I have often failed to appreciate the artistic merits of some bands. But it's the current crop of animal bands that are hot at the moment that I have a problem with: Animal Collective, Grizzly Bear, Fleet Foxes, Deerhunter etc... I just think they are unlistenable twaddle and I'm declaring hunting season OPEN on animal bands and the fevered hysteria that follows them.

Don't get me wrong, the music is passable but I just find it depressingly derivative. I know music has to come from somewhere but you can add to a canon rather than unimaginatively replicating the past or taking its worst elements and turning it into a living, breathing parody. I have spent quite a bit of time exploring these bands looking for the nooks and crannies of melody that would make me love them; trying to find the lyrics I'd make mental notes of and ponder at odd moments during the day; and wanting riffs that make me swoon or better, play air guitar. And I have come up with nought.

So I have decided in my esteemed wisdom that I am not old or past it but these bands are just not my thing (ie crap). I'll snooze through this period of cool and hope that the next wave of music that we're supposed to love are in fact, lovable. Wake me when it's over.

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Soundtrack of Your Life 2: The Sequel

2009-07-08T17:48:00.001+10:00

Last year I did this Soundtrack of your life exercise on my old blog. At the the time, I was bummed that itunes had somehow picked out the one Natalie Imbruglia song out of thousands in my collection so I thought I might do it again. Here again are the instructions:

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool - first songs only

Opening Credits
Waking Up
First Day of School
Falling in Love
Fight Song
Breaking Up
Prom
Life is Good
Mental Breakdown
Driving
Flashback
Getting Back Together
Wedding
Paying the Dues
The Night Before the War
Moment of Triumph
Death Scene
Funeral Song
End Credits

For me tonight, it went like this.

Opening Credits: White Palms - Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
Waking Up: Cuerpo Celeste - Murcof
First Day of School: 25 Minutes To Go - Johnny Cash
Falling in Love: Sandstorm - Peter Gabriel
Fight Song: Fountain - PJ Harvey
Breaking Up: Fuck You - Lily Allen
Prom: Mountaintops - Cat Power
Life is Good: The Big Ship - Brian Eno
Mental Breakdown: Take It And Run - Dropkick Murphys
Driving: Car - Built To Spill
Flashback: One - Johnny Cash
Getting Back Together: For Tonight You're Only Here To Know - The Distillers
Wedding: In The Cold Cold Night - The White Stripes
Paying the Dues: Exit Music (For A Film) - Radiohead
The Night Before the War: My Dick Is This Small Because It's -40 Degrees F - 1-Speed Bike
Moment of Triumph: Moe Luv's Theme - Ultramagnetic MC's
Death Scene: Seal Jubilee - Bat For Lashes
Funeral Song: Disaster Button - Snow Patrol
End Credits: Sour Times - Portishead.

This is the actual outcome of the exercise with no meddling for songs I don't like (1-Speed Bike really have the worst song titles). Nice line up with the waking up, breaking up, driving song and getting back together. Night before the war and moment of triumph, not so much. Anyhow, this is the new soundtrack to my life story... until I do it again next year...

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5-10-15-20

2009-07-07T18:31:00.011+10:00

Everybody kind of rags on Pitchfork these days as being too cool for school and a bit pretentious but I still like reading it. I have some reservations about some of the appraisals of some bands (for example, I hate the animal bands: Animal Collective, Fleet Foxes, Grizzly Bear, Deerhunter etc...) but on the whole I'm ok with it. Recently, they've started a series of interviews with different artists called 5-10-15-20 which I'm really enjoying. The artists chart the most influential or their favourite songs for every five years of their life. I started thinking about this and its an interesting thing to do to think of the year and the songs that shaped you. So I thought I'd write mine up even though its slightly wanky and I'm not famous - but indulge me for a second. It just goes to show that I grew up in an age before Nirvana broke.

5.

Elvis Presley - Suspicious Minds: I have to admit this is more of an unconscious choice based on a conversation I had with my Mum ages ago. While I grew up with one ear trained to the Beatles, ELO etc... from my parents and the other on the Jam and the Clash from my sister, my Mum said she distinctly remembers me dancing around to Elvis and LOVING it when I was little. To be honest, I don't remember this at all but I like to think that even at that early age I loved Suspicious Minds... Because let's face it - it's pretty awesome.

10

Ray Parker Junior - Ghostbusters: When I was a kid I had an unreasonably vivid imagination and it was largely fed by movies and TV. So it stands to reason my favourite songs came from movies and I loved the Ghostbusters theme (I think my parents still have the 7inch at their house). I don't admit this very often but the very first tape I bought with my own money was the Beverly Hills Cop soundtrack because I loved the Axel F. song. Anyhow, I figure this song established not only my long term love of movies but my love of Bill Murray.

15

Phil Lynott and Gary Moore - Out In The Fields: By the time I was fifteen I had become obsessed with playing guitar and had a new found love of dodgy metal bands (I'm talking Def Leppard, Ozzy, Dio etc...) Top of the heap for me was Gary Moore, an Irish guitarist, who was terribly sincere and let's face it, total crap but he could play the guitar like a demon. I give myself points for this song because Phil Lynott is on it (Gary Moore was briefly in Thin Lizzy) but really, there's no excuse. Gary Moore later reinvented himself as a blues guitarist and basically denied the existence of every album he'd made in the 70's and 80's. Whatever gets you through the night Gary...

20

Sugar - The Act We Act: Two major things happened between 15 and 20 for me. Firstly, Nirvana broke and I think anyone who underestimates this event is an idiot. There were a few 'alternative' bands I was conscious of before Teen Spirit went blitzkreig (mainly Pixies, Jane's Addiction, Faith No More) BUT this was a land ruled by Poison, Motley Crue and Guns N' Roses - Phil Collins was on the cover of Rolling Stone and everybody loved Mariah Carey. Nirvana smashed all that and while mainstream music is intrinsically lame - indie, alternative, whatever you want to call it became the staple diet for a new generation of music lovers.

The second thing I discovered in that time was Bob Mould. I taped his Live at the Wireless performance off JJJ (I still have the tape and still listen to a cd version of it) and discovered a whole new world of music. Bob was a member of Husker Du and when I fell in love with his music I was obsessed with his first solo album Workbook. However, Bob formed a three piece in the early 90s and released the album Copper Blue which I can say with authority is the one album I have listened to more times than any other. I used to take 24 hour bus trips with a tape with Copper Blue on both sides and listen it non-stop (no exaggeration). I have avidly followed Bob since that time. The Act We Act is the first song on the album and when I hear those opening chords, I still get chills.

25

Radiohead - Karma Police: 25 was the year I moved to Sydney and I remember a lot of Superchunk and PJ Harvey but I was still in an OK Computer hangover from the year before. I was quite obsessed with them for a few years and listened to this, The Bends and Kid A non-stop (but they kind of lost me around Hail to the Thief).

30

Queens of the Stone Age - Go With The Flow: Between 25 and 30 I found the one band that rivaled my love for Bob Mould. Queens is this beautiful amalgamation of rock and punk which is swinging, sexy and raw. The other great thing about them is that the albums are really complex with a lot of layering and interesting arrangements - I spent a lot of time listening to them on headphones wrapping my head around the production. At their heart is just excellent musicianship with a kind of primal instinct for melody and attack. Sure they're un-pc but I love 'em anyway...

35

Death Cab For Cutie - Marching Bands of Manhatten: My friends, I have a confession. I just checked my Last FM and its clear that the band I've embraced the most since turning 35 is Death Cab For Cutie. I had a few other choices for this period (Mogwai, Cat Power, Future of the Left, Iron and Wine) and I was frightened about putting Death Cab down in writing because to be honest, I always thought they were a bit fey, a bit meh, and a bit shit. But a very good friend of mine got me hooked on the album Plans which I have listened to compulsively for the last six months or so. I am a sucker for both good pop songs and sad songs and this band have somehow melded these two elements in a very addictive way. I also think that Death Cab are masters of what I like to call the 'moment' song. By that I mean that a song is kind of ok and then there is some little twist or moment in it that just makes it special. So, I hate to admit it but I am a late comer but proud lover of Death Cab. Whether I'll be listening to them in a year is another story but for right now, they're just right.

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We were promised jetpacks

2009-07-06T19:55:00.002+10:00

Greatest band name I've heard, urm, today. The song kicks in nicely at the end...

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Idle hands

2009-07-05T15:34:00.004+10:00

The other day I bought this book which basically challenges you to treat your life like one big artistic experiment. It's kind of cute and one of the first challenges is to wander around your neighbourhood and catalogue the sights, sounds and smells along your trip.

I tried this today but I kept getting distracted because it seemed every second car passing me by was blasting the hits of Michael Jackson. Seriously, people, if I was going to choose a period of time to time travel to it would definitely NOT be 1987 (mainly because that's what I looked like in 1987 - what happened to my gaddamned hair?!).

Look, I get it - I know he was big, I was there (although I was never much of a fan). I remember when the Bad video premiered on TV, it was a prime time television event. Admittedly, this was 80's New Zealand where there were only two channels and an episode of Coronation Street would probably qualify as a 'premier' television event but nevertheless MJ was big news. I'll even admit that those early songs are cool and never fail to get people over the age of thirty drunkenly dancing in embarrassing ways at parties.

I'm not going to begrudge anyone their love of Michael Jackson as I'm a revisionist of the highest order (that's why I love Lost Highway) but really this hysteria has gotten a little out of hand. As of June 24, Michael Jackson was slightly creepy and a bit of a joke because - well, you know why. That he died the next day doesn't change that fact - he doesn't suddenly become the King of Pop again all sins forgotten. The death of anyone is sad and I'm sure his family are devastated as any relative would be but the tragedy that was his later life can't be erased so simply - well, not in my mind.

Look, I don't know, I didn't know the guy but one thing his death has perpetuated is troubling - more Richard Wilkins on television and frankly, that's a bigger concern to the health of our world than the death of a faded pop star.

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Apocalypse This Afternoon

2009-06-28T17:37:00.002+10:00

Just as the sun was setting today, we got hit by this big rain storm which bathed Marrickville in these golden apocalyptic hues. Very pretty and very eerie...

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Jump, jump

2009-06-27T19:17:00.004+10:00

I've read two articles in the last 24 hours that have used the phrase "jump the shark." If you don't know the term you haven't been reading enough wanky, self referential cultural theory of late. From the ever reliable Wikipedia, it:

denotes the point in a TV show or movie series' history where the plot veers off into absurd story lines or out-of-the-ordinary characterizations. This usually corresponds to the point where a show with falling ratings apparently becomes more desperate to draw in viewers. In the process of undergoing these changes, the TV or movie series loses its original appeal. Shows that have "jumped the shark" are typically deemed to have passed their peak.

The term is a direct reference to Happy Days when the Fonz literally jumps a shark in what was deemed one of the stupidest plot lines in television history (it probably was until the creation of Knightrider). The thing is that the term "jump the shark" can be related to other areas of life. For example, I would contend that world politics jumped the shark when the US elected Ronald Reagan as President, elevating a knucklehead celebrity into the most powerful office in the world at the height of the Cold War (subsequent seasons featuring Bush and Howard showed just how bad that show had gotten). Warfare jumped the shark with the use of nuclear weapons (a shameless grab for ratings), sports jumped the shark when Bangladesh beat Australia in cricket (that still makes me laugh) and...

...music jumped the shark with the invention of the keytar.

Which brings me to the question of when humanity jumped the shark? Some may argue the industrial revolution, Hitler or the Phantom Menace. However, I would contend that humanity jumped the shark when John Lennon was shot. Here was this undoubtedly fallible guy who'd made some great music and done something constructive with his celebrity and someone decided it'd be a good idea to shoot him. At that point, humanity got desperate and our ratings have been sliding ever since...

The only question left for me is when I jumped the shark? I am trying to pinpoint the exact moment I became a shadow of my former self and became just a shallow parody... Maybe it was when I admitted to myself I liked that Kelly Clarkson song? Or when I ran head on into a steel pole? Or when I started a blog? (HA!) Surely I've done stupider things than that. I'll keep you informed on my musings and if I come up with a definitive answer, I'll let you know...

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Stil sick...

2009-06-25T13:22:00.003+10:00

Just talk amongst yourselves... (above from here).

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