Monday, October 11, 2010
So, I'm 37 and that's weird. It's weird because when I was 20 I couldn't even imagine being 35 so technically I have am now living in a period of my life which was previously beyond my imagination - holy shit! It's weird though because I'm still throwing devil horns and playing air guitar to Superchunk in my lounge room like when I was 20 so maybe nothing has changed. Well, that's not true - everything has changed.
I've just had a very reflective week where everything I did was reminding me of change and mortality. I re-visited my childhood home in New Zealand which I haven't been to in a good 22 years. I lived a reasonably idyllic childhood roaming the streets of a family orientated suburb near a university. There was lots of parkland to explore and university buildings to play war on with my friends. When my sister and I drove past our old home it looked exactly the same except the street had changed dramatically. The suburbs are now predominantly rented to students so the family homes of my youth are now populated with bare chested students lying on the front lawn drinking long necks. It's true, you can never go home unless you're willing to except some arsehole playing Nickelback or something at full bore at 3am. It made that Arcade Fire page all the more pertinent and sad.
I also read Haruki Murakami's What I talk about when I talk about running, which is ostensibly, an exploration of his running, writing, life and encroaching frailty. It made me feel it even more so. While I've been lucky with my health, twice this year I've hurt my back and it aches and aches sometimes regardless of the treatments I get. For some reason this has struck me to my very core because it affects almost everything I do and I've never felt that before. I suddenly feel very mortal and wonder if I've been wasting my time as each passing day takes me further and further away from the clueless 20 year old I was.
That being said, it's not all doom and gloom as there is sweetness is my life and much to be grateful for (two of my favourite things are in this picture). But it's almost as if the clock is ticking that little bit louder and faster. I'm not sure what it all means but I've got a couple of weeks holiday and I think I'm going to dedicate my time to working out what I should be doing next...
However, one thing about my birthday. My friend baked me personalised ginger biscuits which are awesome and yummy and almost all eaten.
Yay - gingerbread!